Bitter Remorse

It’s that feeling deep inside, when you are faced with facts. You try to close your eyes but you can’t erase the past. Everything is in your face and you just need to breathe. You are feeling numb as they mouth the words you wish you never heard. You look back at what you did, at the vague memory of your mistakes. You try to think hard about what exactly happened so you can find the loophole to pull yourself through, but memories are vague and you just can’t find escape. They say the words and you realize you can’t deny. You have to accept but your mind is frustrated in fighting. You want to give up but you came too far to turn back. You feel it well up inside, the tears forming in your eyes, but you don’t want to give in. they can see that you are crumbling but you try to hide, failing miserably.

This feeling of guilt is taking me apart piece by piece. Why did I not look before I leapt? Now I have to pay the price for the games I played. There’s a sinking feeling in my stomach, and a void where my heart used to be. My impulsive lies have left a bitter taste in my mouth that cannot be washed away. The taste of guilt is awful. But I have to pay for my mistakes. How can I face them again, when I can’t even face myself? I couldn’t bear to look at the face in the mirror. Red eyes, guilt and despondency were all that looked back at me. The usual air of confidence was nowhere to be found. I felt like all the air was sucked out of me. At least on the bright side it was a lesson well-learnt the hard way.