Hi Girls ,
Well, 10.36 pm in the night is not a perfect time to talk to girls but we haven’t talked much over the last 23 years of my life, have we?
First Let me make clear what bunch I am talking to. Girls= Girls. Exclude mothers and grandmothers and grand grandmothers and...I think anyone higher would be dead by now. Right so girls=girls. If you still are confused about what I mean by girls, its ok. Girls are supposed to be a little dumb.
My earliest memory of your clan- my elder sister pulls my hair. Painful. Digs her nails in my cheek. Painful. And then runs to mummy to complain that I hit her. Not a perfect start.
I went to a school. We were small and carried water bottles and small bags and crayon boxes. You girls colored silly color books. You did not shout much. You did not spill food while eating. You played stupid games during the games period where you became a mother and someone became your daughter and someone became your mother.
By class 2nd, I had formed a mental banner which declared in a glowing and blinking neon sign - GIRLS ARE STUPID AND BORING. School progressed. Class 6th.Class 10th.
The font size in the neon sign kept getting bigger and bigger. You people never took any interest in me. And I was equally indifferent and snooty about you people. I was of the back benchers gang. I was not too good in studies. I was a regular at being thrown out of class. I was the guy girls should not talk to. You people stayed with the boys who wore clean clothes, combed their hair, shared their tiffins with you, spoke softly, took notes and did well in studies. The neon sign crossed all limit when I went on to slap girls ..ask Arunima !! I think in her whole life I was only guy other than her mother who would have dared that. Rajdeep sardesai r u reading my blogs? I have slapped one of your current journalist....can u make a news headline of this blog???
College. First day “Just a bit of rudeness, more correctly shyness from, typical gujju girl and I walk upto her and ask her to come. She does not care to reply and looks away. I lean in and growl "Bench...”. You may be pretty. Guys may swallow a lizard if u orders them to. But I have 0% interest in you and your friends here. You understand how much is 1 - 1. It's 0. That’s the interest I have in girls. Some rubbish wants you, not me. So just move."
Through those years of college, most from your clan saw me and mumbled "MCP" under their breath. MCP stands for Male Chauvinistic Pig. All the hormonal developments were on track. I was not gay.
The appearances of girls definitely changed in college. You know what, please do not use too much of make up. Then your face looks like you have been sleeping in a paint tumbler and your mouth looks like you have eaten 3 bars of lipsticks. Chandni Rajgor r u reading?? And please think about those long earrings which hang like earthworms from your ears. They look wierd. And make you look weirder. Purva r u awake?? And Vaibhavi you do not need to let your hair loose all the time. I know that you have shampoo your hair and you look pretty good in hanging hairs but they cover your ears. If you tie your hair up you can actually hear well. And all that hair keeps falling in the plates around when you eat. Please consider tieing it up. Its hygienic and your tubelight will glow properly.
Anyways, that was the way it was till 'she' breezed into my life.
She had a sense of humor. She had similar thoughts. She was mature. She was responsible. She was silly. She was simple. She was very human. For the first time, I sensed that girls have a "lipsticks-n-eyeliner" free brain. That they think of something beyond that. That they are as good human beings as anyone. Every tear I have caused her has left a streak on my heart. I thank the guy whom she is with now. He did not give her much time to feel hurt and alone.
Thinking more calmly and having more girls as friends have helped realize some of you are mature. Some of you think deeply, think good thoughts and are really sensitive and introspective. Some girls are really good human beings. All in all, you people are not so stupid as I thought. You dont have the IQ of a cheese burger. You people are as mature as any human being and probably a lot more sensitive than guys.
And know what the best part about being a girl is? You will be a mother some day. However stupid and stubborn and irritating you may be right now, being a mother is being capable of some kind of divine love, of being closer to god. One day you are going to create life and nurture it with such unconditional care which makes you all the more respectable.
But some things about you people still beat me. Firstly, why do you people give so much importance to the way you look? If you think every guy looks at you when you go down a street, catch the next lift down and come down to earth. Tom Cruise doesnt care about how you look. Hrithik Roshan doesn’t care about how you look. Your dad doesnt care about how you look. And any sensible guy won’t care about how you look. And if someone is attracted by your looks, he can only desire you, not love you.
Another thing. If I end up talking to you for anything over eight minutes, don’t assume I am flirting with you. Being a girl or a guy is not so important. Please behave like a normal homo sapien. I hate being branded a girl chaser. Because I hate to be one.
I have always been an outsider in your world. The brat never too close. And after causing hurt to 'her', I intend to stay away from your world for a long long time to come. After all, I was hurt too. I am plain scared to meddle in your world now. I am plain scared of again causing a lot of tears and hence have resolved to stay at a safe yet friendly distance from your domain. If earlier it was snobbish indifference, now it is a peaceful and quiet lack of interest.
Anyways, it was good talking to you. I will take your leave and sleep. And one last thing. If you drive anything more than a bicycle, please do not. Its sin to kill innocent walking on the street, people not belonging to the Al-Qaeda. But if you have to drive, atleast keep a First Aid box handy. That was it.
Note: The girls whose name I have included are few of my good friends contrary one might think from my blog!
This is a tribute to all my female friends on occasion of the Woman’s day!!!!
Monday, March 10, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Matrimonial Tamasha
These days I am pissed off by the matrimonial sites. Every time I am surfing news or entertainment website a pretty lady will appear. In the initial days when I was quite new to internet my testosterone will increase thinking that these pretty girls have some offers for me to decrease my testosterone levels. But rather she will ask stupid question: “Quick Search your soul mates”.
My Response: “Quick Close” you ass hole!! But when you want to kill office time you look for some opportunities like this. So finally I decided to have a look at these websites. Going through these websites forced me to think on quickly changing scenario in Indian society.
Blame it on government or society or history or geography; even biology if you feel so, I call it economics - simple equation of demand and supply. But the matter of fact is that marriageable gals are becoming precious and precious gals are becoming more precious. The matrimonial columns looking for suitable grooms are becoming more and more demanding. All the difficult words from dictionary are finding place in the matrimonial columns.
so there was a column inviting grooms (or superman) with following specifications:-
" should be tall, handsome, charming, quick witted, intelligent, caring, well settled, modest, humorous". Did I call him superman ...well, inject a few more adjectives that I might have missed.
The gal was precious, so the column was well received and even better reciprocated. But you know ' har kisi ko mukammal jahan nahin milta , kisi ko jamin to kahin aasmaan nahin milta' . Somebody was not tall enough, the other was not charming enough, and somebody talked too much, the other listened too much.
It was not difficult for the gal to reject all of them out rightly. The difficult one came when someone came with a proposal “hey, I am none that you are looking for, save one. I am not so tall, not so handsome. Charm keeps at arms length from me, humor escapes me except when I am the one being laughed at. I am often at my wits end when looking for a witty reply, intelligence can be graded average at best. All I can say about me is that I am quite MODEST
hellllllllllooooo .... what do you say m'am"....
So boys ...find your souls mates as qucikly as possible otherwise the girls are soon going to become a "real state"..only a rich can buy :))
If you look on other side of coin there is no better chance than this to decrease our billion plus population..
My Response: “Quick Close” you ass hole!! But when you want to kill office time you look for some opportunities like this. So finally I decided to have a look at these websites. Going through these websites forced me to think on quickly changing scenario in Indian society.
Blame it on government or society or history or geography; even biology if you feel so, I call it economics - simple equation of demand and supply. But the matter of fact is that marriageable gals are becoming precious and precious gals are becoming more precious. The matrimonial columns looking for suitable grooms are becoming more and more demanding. All the difficult words from dictionary are finding place in the matrimonial columns.
so there was a column inviting grooms (or superman) with following specifications:-
" should be tall, handsome, charming, quick witted, intelligent, caring, well settled, modest, humorous". Did I call him superman ...well, inject a few more adjectives that I might have missed.
The gal was precious, so the column was well received and even better reciprocated. But you know ' har kisi ko mukammal jahan nahin milta , kisi ko jamin to kahin aasmaan nahin milta' . Somebody was not tall enough, the other was not charming enough, and somebody talked too much, the other listened too much.
It was not difficult for the gal to reject all of them out rightly. The difficult one came when someone came with a proposal “hey, I am none that you are looking for, save one. I am not so tall, not so handsome. Charm keeps at arms length from me, humor escapes me except when I am the one being laughed at. I am often at my wits end when looking for a witty reply, intelligence can be graded average at best. All I can say about me is that I am quite MODEST
hellllllllllooooo .... what do you say m'am"....
So boys ...find your souls mates as qucikly as possible otherwise the girls are soon going to become a "real state"..only a rich can buy :))
If you look on other side of coin there is no better chance than this to decrease our billion plus population..
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Expectations v/s Hopes
When I was very young I heard and since then remembered two sayings from two of my different teachers. The sayings go as..."Expectations are the root cause of misery" and "Never loose hopes, coz hopes are the only ropes that'll support you". I thought a lot over these two and weighed them considering numerous instances from my own life as well as others life in general.
What I noticed was that sometimes I was hurt because I expected too much from others, that indirectly means there is a limit in every friendship that I should not cross. If it were in my hands, I would brush aside this limit...but unfortunately it needs two to tango!
Moreover, friendship needs time to grow...even I can't be a best of a friend to everyone who comes my way, although it varies that some people may turn out to be very good friends in a very short span of time while others just remain strangers even in years' relationship!! My initial friendship with anyone always turned out to be good... but then over time when I knew the person truly and better, I found most of them to be mere role players. In between these two phases I remained the same self... and that didn't prevent me from being demanding. The cases where friendship is true are very pleasing and euphoric, I mean nothing can make atleast me feel better than possessing a true friend. On the other hand, cases where friendship turns out to be something different, are very hard and uneasy to handle...they just break me.
I once had a dream to perfect (and include in a stereotype) the search and selection techniques into a science so that one can predict almost infallibly on the very first meeting with any person, whether or not the person is worth making a friend. The stereotype was a joke but the search and selection thingie is something everyone should be aware of. I try to strain my brains as much as I can... but still sometimes I make wrong decisions...after all I am a human being ( I hope u agree with this).
I dunno what I have written and how you would interpret it, but to recapitulate, I would say that I still live with hopes in my heart rather than living with the fear of getting hurt on expecting and not getting the expected.
Be generous and positive, its in my blood (O +ve)
What I noticed was that sometimes I was hurt because I expected too much from others, that indirectly means there is a limit in every friendship that I should not cross. If it were in my hands, I would brush aside this limit...but unfortunately it needs two to tango!
Moreover, friendship needs time to grow...even I can't be a best of a friend to everyone who comes my way, although it varies that some people may turn out to be very good friends in a very short span of time while others just remain strangers even in years' relationship!! My initial friendship with anyone always turned out to be good... but then over time when I knew the person truly and better, I found most of them to be mere role players. In between these two phases I remained the same self... and that didn't prevent me from being demanding. The cases where friendship is true are very pleasing and euphoric, I mean nothing can make atleast me feel better than possessing a true friend. On the other hand, cases where friendship turns out to be something different, are very hard and uneasy to handle...they just break me.
I once had a dream to perfect (and include in a stereotype) the search and selection techniques into a science so that one can predict almost infallibly on the very first meeting with any person, whether or not the person is worth making a friend. The stereotype was a joke but the search and selection thingie is something everyone should be aware of. I try to strain my brains as much as I can... but still sometimes I make wrong decisions...after all I am a human being ( I hope u agree with this).
I dunno what I have written and how you would interpret it, but to recapitulate, I would say that I still live with hopes in my heart rather than living with the fear of getting hurt on expecting and not getting the expected.
Be generous and positive, its in my blood (O +ve)
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Profiles
Now this is not meant in general to any specific person..But it should be read by all those who practice this or hate this.
I think that ppl shud actually put atleast their real names on orkut profiles and not some thing like what is really going on in your real lives..or even those stupid ones like "album updated ___name"(this 1 I really hate).It really gets bogging when one has to look at every profile in ones friends' list to see the person since the change of name has taken place.
a) I want that atleast the full name or even the first name should be minimum there in one's profile name.
b) Stop telling about the profile/album updates to every1 in the world..go get a life loser..no one wants to check ur profile..
c) Waise to I really am a fan of PDA's(public display of affections)..But I really mean it on the streets and in the subway and in the theatres..and not really on orkut..Specially when ppl put up their names as "I miss ya /I luv ya..blah blah blah.."
Now one thing which has really caught up between me and sm like minded friends (Actually I acquired this frm others and now sm others have taken a cue frm me)..is to keep your scrap book clean(reduce them in number drastically) or infact clear of all the scraps. It just puts ur private life into public display..Waise it doesnt really matter to me if it gets public and there is nothing which isnt public abt me..bt I still wud like to say that I want my privacy at some places.
I think that ppl shud actually put atleast their real names on orkut profiles and not some thing like what is really going on in your real lives..or even those stupid ones like "album updated ___name"(this 1 I really hate).It really gets bogging when one has to look at every profile in ones friends' list to see the person since the change of name has taken place.
a) I want that atleast the full name or even the first name should be minimum there in one's profile name.
b) Stop telling about the profile/album updates to every1 in the world..go get a life loser..no one wants to check ur profile..
c) Waise to I really am a fan of PDA's(public display of affections)..But I really mean it on the streets and in the subway and in the theatres..and not really on orkut..Specially when ppl put up their names as "I miss ya /I luv ya..blah blah blah.."
Now one thing which has really caught up between me and sm like minded friends (Actually I acquired this frm others and now sm others have taken a cue frm me)..is to keep your scrap book clean(reduce them in number drastically) or infact clear of all the scraps. It just puts ur private life into public display..Waise it doesnt really matter to me if it gets public and there is nothing which isnt public abt me..bt I still wud like to say that I want my privacy at some places.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Hanuman Prasad..
Ah..What a Sunday….woke up at 2pm.!! I think it’s my first blog which I am writing so early after waking up barely hours ago…never mind sometimes its nice to break your own records. Motivation to write..Wonderful sunny day backed by wonderful last evening.
Usually I like to spend weekend at home and that too when you work 5 days a week you look forward to have some rest. But umesh and nirav were back from India with bagful of Indian mithai and numerous humorous stories in there bellies. Neel presence always add more fuel to fire and there presence always attract me to travel to there city. But it’s a one hour bus ride from my town and as its weekend you dont find anyone to give you the ride in car. So was bit hesitant to travel by bus. So initial plan was to call them to my place and enjoy. But destiny had some other calculations. Luckily they came to my city but due to communal puja back in boras they decided to go back immediately. So I was accommodated in car by breaking traffic rules…but as Indian, laws was always meant to be broken …but once in the car the atmosphere was filled with jokes, leg pulling and laughter. Hardly anyone ever realized about an hour journey nor of possible police fines in overloaded car.
Once in temple it was nice to have some communal prayers in temple after long time. Really enjoyed Hanuman challisa !!!
So after all sort of prayers it was time for real business..and I can bet all four had nothing in mind other than delicious idly waiting to be served. Once the green signal was given we just went on it like the crowd went in Mumbai on New Year awe on those two helpless NRI girls. Ofcouse our motive was quite different than those!! Enjoying delicious idly and sambhar, I turned up my eye on my friends and it seemed that they were having there last meal of life. When you come to that kind of communal get togethers you can always expect that from youngesters but the guys like us not only fill our stomach to neck but also make sure that extra food is packed nicely to take away home..lol…
After dinner it was time to participate in some funny games and was lucky to won 200 krones in game. Thanks hanuman ji…for extra Prasad!!
Then we went to my friends place and have loads fun till late night. Surely missed Ninand and Ruchir presence on these occasions. I was not in mood to come back. But the show must come to end. Really have loads of fun after long tiring week.
As I write this blog my mind smells the Kaju barfi which I got from umesh. You enjoy this one while I enjoy my part.
Usually I like to spend weekend at home and that too when you work 5 days a week you look forward to have some rest. But umesh and nirav were back from India with bagful of Indian mithai and numerous humorous stories in there bellies. Neel presence always add more fuel to fire and there presence always attract me to travel to there city. But it’s a one hour bus ride from my town and as its weekend you dont find anyone to give you the ride in car. So was bit hesitant to travel by bus. So initial plan was to call them to my place and enjoy. But destiny had some other calculations. Luckily they came to my city but due to communal puja back in boras they decided to go back immediately. So I was accommodated in car by breaking traffic rules…but as Indian, laws was always meant to be broken …but once in the car the atmosphere was filled with jokes, leg pulling and laughter. Hardly anyone ever realized about an hour journey nor of possible police fines in overloaded car.
Once in temple it was nice to have some communal prayers in temple after long time. Really enjoyed Hanuman challisa !!!
So after all sort of prayers it was time for real business..and I can bet all four had nothing in mind other than delicious idly waiting to be served. Once the green signal was given we just went on it like the crowd went in Mumbai on New Year awe on those two helpless NRI girls. Ofcouse our motive was quite different than those!! Enjoying delicious idly and sambhar, I turned up my eye on my friends and it seemed that they were having there last meal of life. When you come to that kind of communal get togethers you can always expect that from youngesters but the guys like us not only fill our stomach to neck but also make sure that extra food is packed nicely to take away home..lol…
After dinner it was time to participate in some funny games and was lucky to won 200 krones in game. Thanks hanuman ji…for extra Prasad!!
Then we went to my friends place and have loads fun till late night. Surely missed Ninand and Ruchir presence on these occasions. I was not in mood to come back. But the show must come to end. Really have loads of fun after long tiring week.
As I write this blog my mind smells the Kaju barfi which I got from umesh. You enjoy this one while I enjoy my part.
Friday, January 25, 2008
While I await New Year.....
Lots of New Year love to whomsoever is reading this! All the nice wishes and all sorts of wonderful things to you!!
And now that all the love is done with, here is contempt.
I had been hibernating for a while, did not feel like writing any since long. Had lots of random thoughts, vague feelings, strong emotions, futile tensions, unconnected chain of thoughts in short. This mood swing began with call from my younger sister on 31st January informing me about the detoriating health of my father. Since then all negative thoughts engraved me and I started feeling restless.
And then it becomes a vicious circle, one thought leads to another and I end up exhausted and it kills the fun. Then I start thinking, why am I thinking so negative all about this when dad is yet to have undergone through check up? These thoughts forced me to have best possible permutations and combinations to bring result. After numerous ISD calls, finally me and sister, reached to the conclusion that she will rush home as soon as possible and take dad to CMC Vellore for best possible treatment.
It’s the only time I ever wish to have the power of Krishna to have multiple existence!!
So once dad was in CMC, now the turn was to wait eagerly for numerous reports and at the same time praying to get it all negative. I bet never in life time people pray and pay so much to get all negative results.
Screw that!!
While during those low days, all I need is to go read some Dilbert strips and try to back on being myself. While the doctors reported negative medical test one after another, my focus was back on reading some Dilbert and I think it is a very difficult job to deliver something so consistently insane all the times. Hats off to Scott adams for pulling it off for so long!!
Finally, the final medical report came yesterday and I am pretty relieved.
Phew!!
Nothing serious and it was just minor anemia and lung infection which can be treated without applying any rocket science. I think my dad has just got burnt off with work and all kind of mental tensions which he has to bear alone for past few months which began with untimely death of my grandfather and then my sister weeding. I hope that with change in environment and long vacation he will be back to business.
So, the Dilbert effects have also started showing result on me. I Know! I know! I am in an exuberant mood today and today is the rare day in this month when I am quite relaxed. Secondly the motivation to come back to my little space on web came from my well wisher on blog, Ruchir, Shilpi, Christel and many other friends. Sorry guys for keeping you wait for so long : .
Today its weekend and I am just in my mood and be myself and few Carlsberg. The beautiful songs of Enrique, Insommniac is making my eyes wet. Wonderful songs ..particularly “Miss you” and many other...As I write, effects of Carlsberg is gripping me and I think its enough with a promise to keep posting regularly from now on.
Last but not the least thanks to Keshavi di and Ravi for all timely help !!.
Have a nice weekend!!
And now that all the love is done with, here is contempt.
I had been hibernating for a while, did not feel like writing any since long. Had lots of random thoughts, vague feelings, strong emotions, futile tensions, unconnected chain of thoughts in short. This mood swing began with call from my younger sister on 31st January informing me about the detoriating health of my father. Since then all negative thoughts engraved me and I started feeling restless.
And then it becomes a vicious circle, one thought leads to another and I end up exhausted and it kills the fun. Then I start thinking, why am I thinking so negative all about this when dad is yet to have undergone through check up? These thoughts forced me to have best possible permutations and combinations to bring result. After numerous ISD calls, finally me and sister, reached to the conclusion that she will rush home as soon as possible and take dad to CMC Vellore for best possible treatment.
It’s the only time I ever wish to have the power of Krishna to have multiple existence!!
So once dad was in CMC, now the turn was to wait eagerly for numerous reports and at the same time praying to get it all negative. I bet never in life time people pray and pay so much to get all negative results.
Screw that!!
While during those low days, all I need is to go read some Dilbert strips and try to back on being myself. While the doctors reported negative medical test one after another, my focus was back on reading some Dilbert and I think it is a very difficult job to deliver something so consistently insane all the times. Hats off to Scott adams for pulling it off for so long!!
Finally, the final medical report came yesterday and I am pretty relieved.
Phew!!
Nothing serious and it was just minor anemia and lung infection which can be treated without applying any rocket science. I think my dad has just got burnt off with work and all kind of mental tensions which he has to bear alone for past few months which began with untimely death of my grandfather and then my sister weeding. I hope that with change in environment and long vacation he will be back to business.
So, the Dilbert effects have also started showing result on me. I Know! I know! I am in an exuberant mood today and today is the rare day in this month when I am quite relaxed. Secondly the motivation to come back to my little space on web came from my well wisher on blog, Ruchir, Shilpi, Christel and many other friends. Sorry guys for keeping you wait for so long : .
Today its weekend and I am just in my mood and be myself and few Carlsberg. The beautiful songs of Enrique, Insommniac is making my eyes wet. Wonderful songs ..particularly “Miss you” and many other...As I write, effects of Carlsberg is gripping me and I think its enough with a promise to keep posting regularly from now on.
Last but not the least thanks to Keshavi di and Ravi for all timely help !!.
Have a nice weekend!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
