I got up and spoke: "I went to a train station today and learned that the distance between railway tracks is always 143.5 centimeters, or 4 feet 8 1/2 inches. Why this absurd measurement? This is what I discovered. When they built the first train carriages, they used the same tools as they had for building horse-drawn carriages. And why that distance between the wheels on carriages? Because that was the width of the old roads along which the carriages had to travel. And who decided that roads should be that width? Well, suddenly, we are plunged back into the distant past. It was the Romans, the first great road builders, who decided to make their roads that width. And why? Because their war chariots were pulled by two horses, and when placed side by side, the horses they used at the time took up 143.5 centimeters.
"So the distance between the tracks I saw today, used by our state-of-the-art high-speed trains, was determined by the Romans. When people went to the United States, it didn't occur to them to change the width, and so it stayed as it was. This even affected the building of space shuttles. American engineers thought the fuel tanks should be wider, but the tanks were built in Utah and had to be transported by train to the Space Center in Florida, and the tunnels couldn't take anything wider. And so they had to accept for something as advanced as a Moon landing the measurement that Romans had decided was the ideal. But what has all this to do with relationships?"
I paused.
"It has everything to do with that and with love and with friendship. At some point in our lives, someone told us the rules, how you must always stay frozen like that, moving along side by side like two tracks, keeping always that same distance apart. Even if sometimes one of you needs to be a little further away or a little closer, that is against the rules. The rules say: you can't change, you must be like two railway tracks that remain the same distance apart all the way from their point of departure to their destination. The rules don't allow for love to change, or to grow, or for friendships to turn into love. Somewhere in between being functional became more important, maintaining the same distance, the same solidarity, the same functional nature. Everyone will be happy if you keep equal distance - 143.5 centimeters.
"Never forget, these rules were established long ago and must be respected, however absurd they are. Who established these rules? That doesn't matter. Don't question them, because they will always apply, even if you don't agree with them, even if they are illogical", I finished sarcastically.
That's how love got lost. When we started laying down rules for when love should or shouldn't appear...
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
The more you change, the less you feel
Yes, yes, I know it seems as though I can’t get enough of the Smashing Pumpkins this year. But tonight, tonight has been speaking volumes to me over the past few months.
This particular line, the title of my post, more than the one I love to trip on (believe in the resolute urgency of now) really rips at my gut. In the middle of a song about living in the moment, they drop this excruciating, hard to accept brick at you – the more you change, the less you feel. And you can’t help but realize how true it is.
This post has been on my mind for a while but I just can’t seem to find the right words to say it with. I’ve had many conversations with friends over the past few weeks about it too. All about the fact that we’re unable to feel like we used to. That inability to feel those intense emotions we used to feel when we were younger. The rush to go to school to see her, the endless wait for the bus ferrying her, the feel to see her smile, the thrill of chase her bus and even the pain of loss all seem mellowed down versions of what they used to be. But the biggest grouse is if I am actually able to love again. Or hurt intensely again as a result of that love turning sour. Am I only meant to have that one great love in my life? Isn’t it possible to love again? To feel those things that made me realize that I am alive? It’s saddening to grow up if this is what growing up turns you into. Or is it simply a mind block? Or is it that the person I will be able to feel those things about hasn’t quite come around yet? If I remember, for past 8 years we have not met. Spoke few times…but everyday her feelings are hunting me down.
A friend was telling me that he ended a relationship that was near perfection to him because he realized that he really wasn’t feeling it. That amazing gut-wrenching feeling that he felt with the last person he was in love with simply wasn’t there. And I couldn’t help but nod in agreement. The more we change and the more we grow up, the less we are able to feel. Our minds tend to overpower our hearts instead of it being the other way around, the way it used to be. Another friend told me that when he broke up with a girlfriend years ago he was shattered but when he recently broke up with his last girlfriend, things felt so very different. Yes, he missed the loss of the familiarity of having her around, but he said it was all very adult and he didn’t feel like his world was ripped apart.
With me, I doubt it has anything to do with inner strength or anything like it. I just feel that as I grow stronger as a person, my heart grows weaker. At the soul, the core of my being was someone who used to get a rush out of things and all I feel now are mediocre emotions. I listen to love songs, watch soppy movies, wait endlessly for Moon pics all to no avail because they just make me long for what I have lost even more so. Every nerve ending used to be charged with emotions. Not to say I was emo or anything like that, but my heart used to be my strongest asset. I used to feel for people, for causes, for everything. And now all I have is a consciously forced push in that direction because heading in the opposite one will surely be the death of me. I can’t be cold. That for sure, is not in me to be. But lukewarm is a far more saddening state of being, don’t you think?
As oxymoronish (I coined a word!) as it may sound, it is really heart breaking that my heart may not break again. No I don’t want to do that. Is she Listening??
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Who has better sex?
Had an interesting discussion yesterday on prostitution and I realized the world is full of varied opinions on the topic.
Its ok when you’re horny and you have no other choice.
Its easier than the baggage of a relationship.
I have to spend too much time working at a real woman to get her into bed.
I’ll never pay for sex, that just takes the magic out of it.
I prefer to be with a woman who wants to be with me for the sheer pleasure of it.
I can’t sleep with a prostitute, it’ll be too mechanical and I won’t enjoy it as much.
I sleep with prostitutes but I’ll admit that when its someone I feel something for, its loads better.
I actually have fun with prostitutes, its not what everyone thinks, when its a pro, she knows how to make you enjoy yourself.
She pretends that she likes me and its almost playful.
Prostitutes are disgusting, why would anyone want to have sex with someone who’s had half the city inside her?
I’m in a serious relationship, but I still get off doing it with a whore occasionally
Its too much of a thrill getting it on with a woman who you’re really into to want to pay for something that’s fake
I’ve never paid for sex so I can’t afford to really have an opinion. I don’t like smokers and drinkers giving me their opinion on things. But since it is my blog, I guess I can get to have my say here right?
I agree with some of the statements above. Its far better than emotional complications sometimes. You can enjoy it if you want to. But I also agree that the best sex happens when there’s a connection between the 2 people.
I also think that those people (women especially) who look down on prostitutes should stop and try to understand them once in a while. Someone said, no matter how desperate I am I’ll never stoop to that level. Why is prostitution a “level” below what you do? Everyone works hard at their jobs, and I would assume that even a prostitute wouldn’t make much money if she wasn’t good at what she does. I’m good at my job. She’s good at hers. This whole social stigma about the difference between a “respectable” job and prostitution sucks. Look at countries like Thailand who have proper red light districts. Its a professional business for them. Bringing in millions every year. No one who goes to that country can come back saying they didn’t get some kind of sexual kick out of it. If we had a proper system like that here, we’d have better quality prostitutes, well groomed and clean. This country wouldn’t be in dire straits financially either.India as a country is far more beautiful than Thailand any day. So add a few more thrills to it and I honestly think we can surpass them. We’d go back to the 60’s style of make love and not war. Don’t you think people would be far too busy getting in on to get off on this war anymore?
Another thing, its the common assumption that prostitution is something one resorts to when they run out of any possible other options to make money. It maybe true to a great extent in this country, and if it is the case, I wonder why no one bothers to understand them. But I also think that there are times it is done out of choice. A career decision of sorts. Hardly ever here, but most certainly it is the case in other parts of the world. Its something you use your body to do, like a construction worker or a dancer. Some jobs are physical and others are intellectual. Isn’t that just the way it goes?
I know I may have shocked some people and ruffled some feathers with my loose and moral free opinion here. But I think there are bigger sins in the world that prostitution. Its one of the oldest trades in the world after all. It couldn’t have survived millenia if there wasn’t a need for it. Its my opinion. Its my blog. So there.
Back to my original point though. Sex is meant to be had. But a connection between the two (or many) people who have it makes it much more than just having it. Its just out of this world. Even a five minute fuck in a corridor is nicer when you look into that person’s eyes and know the effect you have on them and vice versa.
Sex for me goes beyond the physical and its always better to be had that way.
Its ok when you’re horny and you have no other choice.
Its easier than the baggage of a relationship.
I have to spend too much time working at a real woman to get her into bed.
I’ll never pay for sex, that just takes the magic out of it.
I prefer to be with a woman who wants to be with me for the sheer pleasure of it.
I can’t sleep with a prostitute, it’ll be too mechanical and I won’t enjoy it as much.
I sleep with prostitutes but I’ll admit that when its someone I feel something for, its loads better.
I actually have fun with prostitutes, its not what everyone thinks, when its a pro, she knows how to make you enjoy yourself.
She pretends that she likes me and its almost playful.
Prostitutes are disgusting, why would anyone want to have sex with someone who’s had half the city inside her?
I’m in a serious relationship, but I still get off doing it with a whore occasionally
Its too much of a thrill getting it on with a woman who you’re really into to want to pay for something that’s fake
I’ve never paid for sex so I can’t afford to really have an opinion. I don’t like smokers and drinkers giving me their opinion on things. But since it is my blog, I guess I can get to have my say here right?
I agree with some of the statements above. Its far better than emotional complications sometimes. You can enjoy it if you want to. But I also agree that the best sex happens when there’s a connection between the 2 people.
I also think that those people (women especially) who look down on prostitutes should stop and try to understand them once in a while. Someone said, no matter how desperate I am I’ll never stoop to that level. Why is prostitution a “level” below what you do? Everyone works hard at their jobs, and I would assume that even a prostitute wouldn’t make much money if she wasn’t good at what she does. I’m good at my job. She’s good at hers. This whole social stigma about the difference between a “respectable” job and prostitution sucks. Look at countries like Thailand who have proper red light districts. Its a professional business for them. Bringing in millions every year. No one who goes to that country can come back saying they didn’t get some kind of sexual kick out of it. If we had a proper system like that here, we’d have better quality prostitutes, well groomed and clean. This country wouldn’t be in dire straits financially either.India as a country is far more beautiful than Thailand any day. So add a few more thrills to it and I honestly think we can surpass them. We’d go back to the 60’s style of make love and not war. Don’t you think people would be far too busy getting in on to get off on this war anymore?
Another thing, its the common assumption that prostitution is something one resorts to when they run out of any possible other options to make money. It maybe true to a great extent in this country, and if it is the case, I wonder why no one bothers to understand them. But I also think that there are times it is done out of choice. A career decision of sorts. Hardly ever here, but most certainly it is the case in other parts of the world. Its something you use your body to do, like a construction worker or a dancer. Some jobs are physical and others are intellectual. Isn’t that just the way it goes?
I know I may have shocked some people and ruffled some feathers with my loose and moral free opinion here. But I think there are bigger sins in the world that prostitution. Its one of the oldest trades in the world after all. It couldn’t have survived millenia if there wasn’t a need for it. Its my opinion. Its my blog. So there.
Back to my original point though. Sex is meant to be had. But a connection between the two (or many) people who have it makes it much more than just having it. Its just out of this world. Even a five minute fuck in a corridor is nicer when you look into that person’s eyes and know the effect you have on them and vice versa.
Sex for me goes beyond the physical and its always better to be had that way.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Mashaallah (P.S. Title ka post se koi link nahin hai.)
Have you ever had one of those mornings where you get up and things suddenly feel fine? I mean you open your eyes, take a deep breath and sigh. You got the just the right amount of sleep. Not too little that makes you want to stay in bed just a little longer and not too much that always leaves a dull headache behind. Issues that had been gnawing at your soul (I have always wanted to use that phrase :) ) vanish. You can’t remember why the hell you were upset. I am such a kid. You chuckle to yourself.
You open your eyes and look around and spy your cell phone peeping from below the pillow. You check it and there it is- a missed call. To show that someone missed you while you were busy zzing away. You see the caller’s name and smile. The first item of the ‘To Do List for the Day’ is ready - 1. Return the call. Then you see your laptop and wonder if there is time to check your mail. You decide against it. Personal mails are best checked during office hours. You wonder still in bed what is it that you have to accomplish today. Any deadlines, any pressing issues? And your mind tells you –chill. Kuch nahin hai. The world is going to run just fine today without your help. You smile.
It’s a perfect day. You get up and open the windows. The cool breeze hits your face. Baarish ke chances hain. You smile. Birds are chirping at your window. You feel kind and benevolent towards the whole world. Even your corridors neighbors are absconding since yesterday. You had decided earlier that this time you are going to have fun in Kitchen. Such arguments vanish as you usher in the Kitchen. One of the corridors neighbors is back in kitchen. You smile and she smiles back. And you swimming in the tide of human kindness ask her to make tea for two and help herself to the left over Garlic bread. But it is okay.
You read the newspaper i.e. the entertainment section. A nice picture of Katrina greets you. Se is looking Snappy in the black dress. One of the most gorgeous women in Bollywood now. You debate the merits of physique and face of some top Bolly stars and realize that Katrina claim to being one of the best is possibly true. You read about the lives of Kylie, Ashton, Aniston and MJ. Satisfied that all your friends are doing fine (as per The Hindu anyway and excluding MJ ofcourse ((may God bless his soul)) ) you log off from e-paper. Masala tea is just right. It is an omen really. This has to be a perfect day.
You get ready for lab. There is a tune in your head that doesn’t make much sense. Dum dum dum da da da dum dee da dum dum or was it da da dum dee da dadum de da da or something like that. Nice tune. I could have been a musician. You realize. But oh well that ship has sailed. You see the time: 9.30am. Can I make it to 10 o' clock meeting??. Excellent attendance record. You smile. Pick the keys up, pack your tiffin and lock your door. In the elevator you tell yourself that you must blog about this perfect morning. And you do.
Have a good day people!
You open your eyes and look around and spy your cell phone peeping from below the pillow. You check it and there it is- a missed call. To show that someone missed you while you were busy zzing away. You see the caller’s name and smile. The first item of the ‘To Do List for the Day’ is ready - 1. Return the call. Then you see your laptop and wonder if there is time to check your mail. You decide against it. Personal mails are best checked during office hours. You wonder still in bed what is it that you have to accomplish today. Any deadlines, any pressing issues? And your mind tells you –chill. Kuch nahin hai. The world is going to run just fine today without your help. You smile.
It’s a perfect day. You get up and open the windows. The cool breeze hits your face. Baarish ke chances hain. You smile. Birds are chirping at your window. You feel kind and benevolent towards the whole world. Even your corridors neighbors are absconding since yesterday. You had decided earlier that this time you are going to have fun in Kitchen. Such arguments vanish as you usher in the Kitchen. One of the corridors neighbors is back in kitchen. You smile and she smiles back. And you swimming in the tide of human kindness ask her to make tea for two and help herself to the left over Garlic bread. But it is okay.
You read the newspaper i.e. the entertainment section. A nice picture of Katrina greets you. Se is looking Snappy in the black dress. One of the most gorgeous women in Bollywood now. You debate the merits of physique and face of some top Bolly stars and realize that Katrina claim to being one of the best is possibly true. You read about the lives of Kylie, Ashton, Aniston and MJ. Satisfied that all your friends are doing fine (as per The Hindu anyway and excluding MJ ofcourse ((may God bless his soul)) ) you log off from e-paper. Masala tea is just right. It is an omen really. This has to be a perfect day.
You get ready for lab. There is a tune in your head that doesn’t make much sense. Dum dum dum da da da dum dee da dum dum or was it da da dum dee da dadum de da da or something like that. Nice tune. I could have been a musician. You realize. But oh well that ship has sailed. You see the time: 9.30am. Can I make it to 10 o' clock meeting??. Excellent attendance record. You smile. Pick the keys up, pack your tiffin and lock your door. In the elevator you tell yourself that you must blog about this perfect morning. And you do.
Have a good day people!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
A late reply
I am a troubled soul. You possibly can't tell that looking at me- all chirpy and vivacious every time we run into each other but deep down inside today I am a troubled soul. My soul, dear friends, is troubled.
Before you start wondering what is wrong and go through the entire drill of - "Is he okay? Do I call and check? How much does an STD cell to Sweden cost? Maybe an sms is the right thing to do. No wait sms is Rs. 6 per international sms. Maybe I will just ping him next time I see him on Gtalk?" - I will just tell you what the matter is. Succinctly.
A friend of mine accused me yesterday of being a Congressi and a hypocrite. ‘You all are such HYPOcrites!’, he said. He stressed on the ‘hypo’ part for a little longer than necessary. Among the heated words exchanged which are now acknowledged as ‘deeply regretted’ were sprinklings of accusations that I have heard quite often –that I am apathetic, that it is because of people like me that the majority has to suffer and that how much longer was I willing to tolerate this unnecessary and uncalled for appeasement.
Now I didn't quite like that. I agree I am most active of political beings within myself. And if you are looking to give someone the ‘best citizen’ award I will not be on your list of nominations. You can also safely discount almost all I say about politics and politicians as clichéd yuppie responses. My knowledge about the Indian politics is deep and different and my inclination to changing this in near future is negligible.
But still this so called ‘Pilibhit brand of reasoning’ annoys me immensely. What is further infuriating is when people judge me for not sharing their prejudices. I mean, why should I share your prejudices when I have a truck load of my own! My friend said the C word (Congressi) as if it were a bad thing to be; as if Congress was the genesis of all things bad happening to this country. I don’t buy that. For the record I am not a Congressi. I am not a clan obssessed follower of the party as most Congressis are made out to be. Nor am I enamoured with the Gandhi mystique. My appreciation of any political party is very limited. I am the person who in all political discussions comes out with the cliched "Chor hain sab" response and dismisses all politicians with a wave of hand. But yes, I do respect Sonia Gandhi for her grit, her ethical, standards and her resolve.
Generations of my family might probably swear by Congress party but I have not inherited their political enthusiasm. My views on politics reflect the same lackadaisical ambivalence that is characteristic of all my other views. But still if push comes to shove my leaning would be towards Congress than parties who favor communal polarization. What took a gentleman 16 years and Rs. 9 crores to prove was something I was already aware of. I had in fact visited Ayodhya many years back and had seen the make shift temple that exists there. I had then been proudly shown the preparations that were being undertaken for making the new temple. Even I was few who predicted that “Loan waiver” and NREG scheme will favor Congress, no matter what happens in country!!!
But S. said his stuff with a lot of vehemence and a lot less sense. He gave me the usual - "toh tum kya Itlay jaa kar PM ban sakte ho??? Hum log bahut tolerant hain." Now I need to be careful to discuss politics with friends especially friends who don't share my political views. But if in a discussion, I would rather people stick with facts and rationality than mere rhetoric and unexplained bias.
But this isn’t the troublesome part. The issue troubling me since last night is that I did not have a befitting reply ready. All the things I wrote just now well I didn’t say any of that. I just let the other person speak his mind, made some feeble excuse and hung up. Somehow arguing then didn’t make much sense and escalating this discussion seemed a tad foolish. And this is troubling me. I wish I could go back and argue my facts. I cant now. Hence, this post. :)
Before you start wondering what is wrong and go through the entire drill of - "Is he okay? Do I call and check? How much does an STD cell to Sweden cost? Maybe an sms is the right thing to do. No wait sms is Rs. 6 per international sms. Maybe I will just ping him next time I see him on Gtalk?" - I will just tell you what the matter is. Succinctly.
A friend of mine accused me yesterday of being a Congressi and a hypocrite. ‘You all are such HYPOcrites!’, he said. He stressed on the ‘hypo’ part for a little longer than necessary. Among the heated words exchanged which are now acknowledged as ‘deeply regretted’ were sprinklings of accusations that I have heard quite often –that I am apathetic, that it is because of people like me that the majority has to suffer and that how much longer was I willing to tolerate this unnecessary and uncalled for appeasement.
Now I didn't quite like that. I agree I am most active of political beings within myself. And if you are looking to give someone the ‘best citizen’ award I will not be on your list of nominations. You can also safely discount almost all I say about politics and politicians as clichéd yuppie responses. My knowledge about the Indian politics is deep and different and my inclination to changing this in near future is negligible.
But still this so called ‘Pilibhit brand of reasoning’ annoys me immensely. What is further infuriating is when people judge me for not sharing their prejudices. I mean, why should I share your prejudices when I have a truck load of my own! My friend said the C word (Congressi) as if it were a bad thing to be; as if Congress was the genesis of all things bad happening to this country. I don’t buy that. For the record I am not a Congressi. I am not a clan obssessed follower of the party as most Congressis are made out to be. Nor am I enamoured with the Gandhi mystique. My appreciation of any political party is very limited. I am the person who in all political discussions comes out with the cliched "Chor hain sab" response and dismisses all politicians with a wave of hand. But yes, I do respect Sonia Gandhi for her grit, her ethical, standards and her resolve.
Generations of my family might probably swear by Congress party but I have not inherited their political enthusiasm. My views on politics reflect the same lackadaisical ambivalence that is characteristic of all my other views. But still if push comes to shove my leaning would be towards Congress than parties who favor communal polarization. What took a gentleman 16 years and Rs. 9 crores to prove was something I was already aware of. I had in fact visited Ayodhya many years back and had seen the make shift temple that exists there. I had then been proudly shown the preparations that were being undertaken for making the new temple. Even I was few who predicted that “Loan waiver” and NREG scheme will favor Congress, no matter what happens in country!!!
But S. said his stuff with a lot of vehemence and a lot less sense. He gave me the usual - "toh tum kya Itlay jaa kar PM ban sakte ho??? Hum log bahut tolerant hain." Now I need to be careful to discuss politics with friends especially friends who don't share my political views. But if in a discussion, I would rather people stick with facts and rationality than mere rhetoric and unexplained bias.
But this isn’t the troublesome part. The issue troubling me since last night is that I did not have a befitting reply ready. All the things I wrote just now well I didn’t say any of that. I just let the other person speak his mind, made some feeble excuse and hung up. Somehow arguing then didn’t make much sense and escalating this discussion seemed a tad foolish. And this is troubling me. I wish I could go back and argue my facts. I cant now. Hence, this post. :)
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Have I Ever
This is my version of the new movement the Whackster seems to have started
Have I Ever…
• Had a rifle pointed at my head by a cop?
• Been told by my school teacher to never show my face in the class again?
• Passed a joint to my uncle?
• Gotten high on nothing but life?
• Lit a bonfire in the middle of my school classroom?
• Saved somebody’s life?
• Had a gay person hit on me?
• Peed on my friend’s car tyres (Hehehe)
• Fallen in love with the wrong person?
• Pretended to act all mean and distant from my (ex) girlfriend, so that she would break up with me?
• Fallen asleep while driving and woken up to find out I have gone about 10-15 metres without hitting anything (Damn i got the shock of my life)
• Chopped off my own toe nail with an axe? (I was only 5 and it wasn’t on purpose)
• Walked into a glass door at Crescat and split my eyebrow (in front of many people)
• Had somebody compare me to John Lennon? (YESSSS although I still cant believe it)
• Fallen asleep in the theatre?
• Met up with friends to study for an exam which was 6 days away and ended up going on a road trip, in the middle of the night, just so they could smoke a cigarette on the beach?
Wow, when I wrote this, I realized how much fun I have had. I had forgotten some of the things until I really put my mind to think about it. Even the bad times feel good, because they are over now. I got to have more of these good times. Thanks Whackster I owe you one for making me remember
Have I Ever…
• Had a rifle pointed at my head by a cop?
• Been told by my school teacher to never show my face in the class again?
• Passed a joint to my uncle?
• Gotten high on nothing but life?
• Lit a bonfire in the middle of my school classroom?
• Saved somebody’s life?
• Had a gay person hit on me?
• Peed on my friend’s car tyres (Hehehe)
• Fallen in love with the wrong person?
• Pretended to act all mean and distant from my (ex) girlfriend, so that she would break up with me?
• Fallen asleep while driving and woken up to find out I have gone about 10-15 metres without hitting anything (Damn i got the shock of my life)
• Chopped off my own toe nail with an axe? (I was only 5 and it wasn’t on purpose)
• Walked into a glass door at Crescat and split my eyebrow (in front of many people)
• Had somebody compare me to John Lennon? (YESSSS although I still cant believe it)
• Fallen asleep in the theatre?
• Met up with friends to study for an exam which was 6 days away and ended up going on a road trip, in the middle of the night, just so they could smoke a cigarette on the beach?
Wow, when I wrote this, I realized how much fun I have had. I had forgotten some of the things until I really put my mind to think about it. Even the bad times feel good, because they are over now. I got to have more of these good times. Thanks Whackster I owe you one for making me remember
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Bitter Remorse
It’s that feeling deep inside, when you are faced with facts. You try to close your eyes but you can’t erase the past. Everything is in your face and you just need to breathe. You are feeling numb as they mouth the words you wish you never heard. You look back at what you did, at the vague memory of your mistakes. You try to think hard about what exactly happened so you can find the loophole to pull yourself through, but memories are vague and you just can’t find escape. They say the words and you realize you can’t deny. You have to accept but your mind is frustrated in fighting. You want to give up but you came too far to turn back. You feel it well up inside, the tears forming in your eyes, but you don’t want to give in. they can see that you are crumbling but you try to hide, failing miserably.
This feeling of guilt is taking me apart piece by piece. Why did I not look before I leapt? Now I have to pay the price for the games I played. There’s a sinking feeling in my stomach, and a void where my heart used to be. My impulsive lies have left a bitter taste in my mouth that cannot be washed away. The taste of guilt is awful. But I have to pay for my mistakes. How can I face them again, when I can’t even face myself? I couldn’t bear to look at the face in the mirror. Red eyes, guilt and despondency were all that looked back at me. The usual air of confidence was nowhere to be found. I felt like all the air was sucked out of me. At least on the bright side it was a lesson well-learnt the hard way.
This feeling of guilt is taking me apart piece by piece. Why did I not look before I leapt? Now I have to pay the price for the games I played. There’s a sinking feeling in my stomach, and a void where my heart used to be. My impulsive lies have left a bitter taste in my mouth that cannot be washed away. The taste of guilt is awful. But I have to pay for my mistakes. How can I face them again, when I can’t even face myself? I couldn’t bear to look at the face in the mirror. Red eyes, guilt and despondency were all that looked back at me. The usual air of confidence was nowhere to be found. I felt like all the air was sucked out of me. At least on the bright side it was a lesson well-learnt the hard way.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
100 things I want to do before I die
Yeah, I’ve finally decided to make the list official!! :]
1. Complete this list by adding up to 100 things on it.
2. Go back packing across the world and visit every possible city (Completed around- 28 in Europe)
3. Learn a new language and make sure I use it. (Hopefully Swedish)
4. Swim with a dolphin
5. Go skinny dipping
6. Go bungee jumping (DONE)
7. Try climbing Mount Everest (Atleast conquer a bit of it)
8. Build my own Eco-friendly home
9. MARRY
10. Send a message in a bottle
11. Ride a camel (DONE)
12. Plant trees (DONE)
13. Stay out all night dancing and go to work the next day without having gone home.(MISSED this chance by 2 hours)
14. Dance and sing in the rain like there’s no tomorrow
15. Sing a song alone in front of an audience
16. Write my will
17. Work at Greenpeace or WWF
18. Grow a garden and make a meal out of those veggies and fruits.
19. Go in a hot air balloon
20. Have a one night stand with someone who I will never meet again.(UMM.....)
21. Kiss someone who I just met on a blind date (DONE)
22. Fart in a crowded place
23. Give to charity anonymously
24. Create my own website.
25. Create my family tree
26. Run in a marathon
27. Go skydiving
28. Take a ride on a fighter jet
29. Visit the Titanic on a submarine
30. Climb a great pyramid in Egypt
31. Walk the entire path of the Great Wall
32. Take an African Safari
33. Watch the sunset over the Ayers Rock
34. Walk the Inca trail - Peru
35. Explore Antarctica
36. Ride a Harley Davidson on an open road
37. Gallop a horse on the beach
38. Go on a roller coaster (DONE)
39. Stand on the rim of a volcano
40. Be in two countries at once
41. Make love on the beach/forest floor
42. See the seven wonders of the world (TWO completed)
43. Volunteer anywhere, anyhow (DONE)
44. Have a Latin Lover
45. Swim in the dead sea
46. Write a book and sell at least one copy
47. Go on a ship at night (DONE)
48. Sponsor a needy child
49. Study Abroad (DONE)
50. Watch the Northern Lights (DONE)
51. Look into my child’s eyes and see myself in them.
52. Have at least 5 piercings
53. Have my portrait painted
54. Go to Disney World
55. Visit a chocolate factory
56. See the ruins of Pompeii and feel the emotions that they might have felt.
57. Write a letter about myself to my future grand children.
58. Kiss in the rain
59. Hug a Koala Bear
60. Fly BUSSINESS class (DONE 2 times)
61. Get a tattoo
62. Go on a glass-bottomed boat
63. Catch a snowflake on your tongue
64. Hold hands with a monkey (DONE)
65. Have a rooftop picnic
66. Slow dance by candle light (DONE)
67. Go in a horse drawn carriage
68. Have a barbie collection
69. Bury a time capsule
70. Flirt shamelessly
71. Go to the movies by myself
72. Find a four leaved clover
73. Be an organ donour
74. Own a hybrid car
75. Dance like no one is watching (Completed at numerous occasions)
76. Write the story of my life
77. Write "Editorial" in leading English Newpaper!!!
78. Build a tree-house and use it as my escape route.
79. Give a homeless person my lunch (Completed at few occasions)
80. Help out at a soup kitchen
81. Pretend to be invisible
82. Test drive a Lamborghini diablo
83. Steam up a car
84. Get a Nature Publication
84. Propose my school days lover :)
1. Complete this list by adding up to 100 things on it.
2. Go back packing across the world and visit every possible city (Completed around- 28 in Europe)
3. Learn a new language and make sure I use it. (Hopefully Swedish)
4. Swim with a dolphin
5. Go skinny dipping
6. Go bungee jumping (DONE)
7. Try climbing Mount Everest (Atleast conquer a bit of it)
8. Build my own Eco-friendly home
9. MARRY
10. Send a message in a bottle
11. Ride a camel (DONE)
12. Plant trees (DONE)
13. Stay out all night dancing and go to work the next day without having gone home.(MISSED this chance by 2 hours)
14. Dance and sing in the rain like there’s no tomorrow
15. Sing a song alone in front of an audience
16. Write my will
17. Work at Greenpeace or WWF
18. Grow a garden and make a meal out of those veggies and fruits.
19. Go in a hot air balloon
20. Have a one night stand with someone who I will never meet again.(UMM.....)
21. Kiss someone who I just met on a blind date (DONE)
22. Fart in a crowded place
23. Give to charity anonymously
24. Create my own website.
25. Create my family tree
26. Run in a marathon
27. Go skydiving
28. Take a ride on a fighter jet
29. Visit the Titanic on a submarine
30. Climb a great pyramid in Egypt
31. Walk the entire path of the Great Wall
32. Take an African Safari
33. Watch the sunset over the Ayers Rock
34. Walk the Inca trail - Peru
35. Explore Antarctica
36. Ride a Harley Davidson on an open road
37. Gallop a horse on the beach
38. Go on a roller coaster (DONE)
39. Stand on the rim of a volcano
40. Be in two countries at once
41. Make love on the beach/forest floor
42. See the seven wonders of the world (TWO completed)
43. Volunteer anywhere, anyhow (DONE)
44. Have a Latin Lover
45. Swim in the dead sea
46. Write a book and sell at least one copy
47. Go on a ship at night (DONE)
48. Sponsor a needy child
49. Study Abroad (DONE)
50. Watch the Northern Lights (DONE)
51. Look into my child’s eyes and see myself in them.
52. Have at least 5 piercings
53. Have my portrait painted
54. Go to Disney World
55. Visit a chocolate factory
56. See the ruins of Pompeii and feel the emotions that they might have felt.
57. Write a letter about myself to my future grand children.
58. Kiss in the rain
59. Hug a Koala Bear
60. Fly BUSSINESS class (DONE 2 times)
61. Get a tattoo
62. Go on a glass-bottomed boat
63. Catch a snowflake on your tongue
64. Hold hands with a monkey (DONE)
65. Have a rooftop picnic
66. Slow dance by candle light (DONE)
67. Go in a horse drawn carriage
68. Have a barbie collection
69. Bury a time capsule
70. Flirt shamelessly
71. Go to the movies by myself
72. Find a four leaved clover
73. Be an organ donour
74. Own a hybrid car
75. Dance like no one is watching (Completed at numerous occasions)
76. Write the story of my life
77. Write "Editorial" in leading English Newpaper!!!
78. Build a tree-house and use it as my escape route.
79. Give a homeless person my lunch (Completed at few occasions)
80. Help out at a soup kitchen
81. Pretend to be invisible
82. Test drive a Lamborghini diablo
83. Steam up a car
84. Get a Nature Publication
84. Propose my school days lover :)
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Here I am !!
A long sabbatical it sure has been!!
and anyway, I have always been spontaneous, to the extent of being too impulsive and irregular....
its always, as and when and what i feel like doing.....i hate compulsions!
but I realized that I aint Edison or Newton or Vivekananda who let their greatness ooze out spontaneously, now.
I guess a little rigour would do no harm, and impulsiveness can be curtailed also
so, a new post.....and dedicated to the 'Wanderer, who wandered onto my site and put in a encouraging post.........
wanderer, i cant get rid of these dots .....its just that i write as i think, and its my way of showing the conjunction between the two.....i hope i will come up with something different sometime, but till then, it continues!
see you latter!!!!
and anyway, I have always been spontaneous, to the extent of being too impulsive and irregular....
its always, as and when and what i feel like doing.....i hate compulsions!
but I realized that I aint Edison or Newton or Vivekananda who let their greatness ooze out spontaneously, now.
I guess a little rigour would do no harm, and impulsiveness can be curtailed also
so, a new post.....and dedicated to the 'Wanderer, who wandered onto my site and put in a encouraging post.........
wanderer, i cant get rid of these dots .....its just that i write as i think, and its my way of showing the conjunction between the two.....i hope i will come up with something different sometime, but till then, it continues!
see you latter!!!!
Monday, March 10, 2008
Hey girl, lets talk !
Hi Girls ,
Well, 10.36 pm in the night is not a perfect time to talk to girls but we haven’t talked much over the last 23 years of my life, have we?
First Let me make clear what bunch I am talking to. Girls= Girls. Exclude mothers and grandmothers and grand grandmothers and...I think anyone higher would be dead by now. Right so girls=girls. If you still are confused about what I mean by girls, its ok. Girls are supposed to be a little dumb.
My earliest memory of your clan- my elder sister pulls my hair. Painful. Digs her nails in my cheek. Painful. And then runs to mummy to complain that I hit her. Not a perfect start.
I went to a school. We were small and carried water bottles and small bags and crayon boxes. You girls colored silly color books. You did not shout much. You did not spill food while eating. You played stupid games during the games period where you became a mother and someone became your daughter and someone became your mother.
By class 2nd, I had formed a mental banner which declared in a glowing and blinking neon sign - GIRLS ARE STUPID AND BORING. School progressed. Class 6th.Class 10th.
The font size in the neon sign kept getting bigger and bigger. You people never took any interest in me. And I was equally indifferent and snooty about you people. I was of the back benchers gang. I was not too good in studies. I was a regular at being thrown out of class. I was the guy girls should not talk to. You people stayed with the boys who wore clean clothes, combed their hair, shared their tiffins with you, spoke softly, took notes and did well in studies. The neon sign crossed all limit when I went on to slap girls ..ask Arunima !! I think in her whole life I was only guy other than her mother who would have dared that. Rajdeep sardesai r u reading my blogs? I have slapped one of your current journalist....can u make a news headline of this blog???
College. First day “Just a bit of rudeness, more correctly shyness from, typical gujju girl and I walk upto her and ask her to come. She does not care to reply and looks away. I lean in and growl "Bench...”. You may be pretty. Guys may swallow a lizard if u orders them to. But I have 0% interest in you and your friends here. You understand how much is 1 - 1. It's 0. That’s the interest I have in girls. Some rubbish wants you, not me. So just move."
Through those years of college, most from your clan saw me and mumbled "MCP" under their breath. MCP stands for Male Chauvinistic Pig. All the hormonal developments were on track. I was not gay.
The appearances of girls definitely changed in college. You know what, please do not use too much of make up. Then your face looks like you have been sleeping in a paint tumbler and your mouth looks like you have eaten 3 bars of lipsticks. Chandni Rajgor r u reading?? And please think about those long earrings which hang like earthworms from your ears. They look wierd. And make you look weirder. Purva r u awake?? And Vaibhavi you do not need to let your hair loose all the time. I know that you have shampoo your hair and you look pretty good in hanging hairs but they cover your ears. If you tie your hair up you can actually hear well. And all that hair keeps falling in the plates around when you eat. Please consider tieing it up. Its hygienic and your tubelight will glow properly.
Anyways, that was the way it was till 'she' breezed into my life.
She had a sense of humor. She had similar thoughts. She was mature. She was responsible. She was silly. She was simple. She was very human. For the first time, I sensed that girls have a "lipsticks-n-eyeliner" free brain. That they think of something beyond that. That they are as good human beings as anyone. Every tear I have caused her has left a streak on my heart. I thank the guy whom she is with now. He did not give her much time to feel hurt and alone.
Thinking more calmly and having more girls as friends have helped realize some of you are mature. Some of you think deeply, think good thoughts and are really sensitive and introspective. Some girls are really good human beings. All in all, you people are not so stupid as I thought. You dont have the IQ of a cheese burger. You people are as mature as any human being and probably a lot more sensitive than guys.
And know what the best part about being a girl is? You will be a mother some day. However stupid and stubborn and irritating you may be right now, being a mother is being capable of some kind of divine love, of being closer to god. One day you are going to create life and nurture it with such unconditional care which makes you all the more respectable.
But some things about you people still beat me. Firstly, why do you people give so much importance to the way you look? If you think every guy looks at you when you go down a street, catch the next lift down and come down to earth. Tom Cruise doesnt care about how you look. Hrithik Roshan doesn’t care about how you look. Your dad doesnt care about how you look. And any sensible guy won’t care about how you look. And if someone is attracted by your looks, he can only desire you, not love you.
Another thing. If I end up talking to you for anything over eight minutes, don’t assume I am flirting with you. Being a girl or a guy is not so important. Please behave like a normal homo sapien. I hate being branded a girl chaser. Because I hate to be one.
I have always been an outsider in your world. The brat never too close. And after causing hurt to 'her', I intend to stay away from your world for a long long time to come. After all, I was hurt too. I am plain scared to meddle in your world now. I am plain scared of again causing a lot of tears and hence have resolved to stay at a safe yet friendly distance from your domain. If earlier it was snobbish indifference, now it is a peaceful and quiet lack of interest.
Anyways, it was good talking to you. I will take your leave and sleep. And one last thing. If you drive anything more than a bicycle, please do not. Its sin to kill innocent walking on the street, people not belonging to the Al-Qaeda. But if you have to drive, atleast keep a First Aid box handy. That was it.
Note: The girls whose name I have included are few of my good friends contrary one might think from my blog!
This is a tribute to all my female friends on occasion of the Woman’s day!!!!
Well, 10.36 pm in the night is not a perfect time to talk to girls but we haven’t talked much over the last 23 years of my life, have we?
First Let me make clear what bunch I am talking to. Girls= Girls. Exclude mothers and grandmothers and grand grandmothers and...I think anyone higher would be dead by now. Right so girls=girls. If you still are confused about what I mean by girls, its ok. Girls are supposed to be a little dumb.
My earliest memory of your clan- my elder sister pulls my hair. Painful. Digs her nails in my cheek. Painful. And then runs to mummy to complain that I hit her. Not a perfect start.
I went to a school. We were small and carried water bottles and small bags and crayon boxes. You girls colored silly color books. You did not shout much. You did not spill food while eating. You played stupid games during the games period where you became a mother and someone became your daughter and someone became your mother.
By class 2nd, I had formed a mental banner which declared in a glowing and blinking neon sign - GIRLS ARE STUPID AND BORING. School progressed. Class 6th.Class 10th.
The font size in the neon sign kept getting bigger and bigger. You people never took any interest in me. And I was equally indifferent and snooty about you people. I was of the back benchers gang. I was not too good in studies. I was a regular at being thrown out of class. I was the guy girls should not talk to. You people stayed with the boys who wore clean clothes, combed their hair, shared their tiffins with you, spoke softly, took notes and did well in studies. The neon sign crossed all limit when I went on to slap girls ..ask Arunima !! I think in her whole life I was only guy other than her mother who would have dared that. Rajdeep sardesai r u reading my blogs? I have slapped one of your current journalist....can u make a news headline of this blog???
College. First day “Just a bit of rudeness, more correctly shyness from, typical gujju girl and I walk upto her and ask her to come. She does not care to reply and looks away. I lean in and growl "Bench...”. You may be pretty. Guys may swallow a lizard if u orders them to. But I have 0% interest in you and your friends here. You understand how much is 1 - 1. It's 0. That’s the interest I have in girls. Some rubbish wants you, not me. So just move."
Through those years of college, most from your clan saw me and mumbled "MCP" under their breath. MCP stands for Male Chauvinistic Pig. All the hormonal developments were on track. I was not gay.
The appearances of girls definitely changed in college. You know what, please do not use too much of make up. Then your face looks like you have been sleeping in a paint tumbler and your mouth looks like you have eaten 3 bars of lipsticks. Chandni Rajgor r u reading?? And please think about those long earrings which hang like earthworms from your ears. They look wierd. And make you look weirder. Purva r u awake?? And Vaibhavi you do not need to let your hair loose all the time. I know that you have shampoo your hair and you look pretty good in hanging hairs but they cover your ears. If you tie your hair up you can actually hear well. And all that hair keeps falling in the plates around when you eat. Please consider tieing it up. Its hygienic and your tubelight will glow properly.
Anyways, that was the way it was till 'she' breezed into my life.
She had a sense of humor. She had similar thoughts. She was mature. She was responsible. She was silly. She was simple. She was very human. For the first time, I sensed that girls have a "lipsticks-n-eyeliner" free brain. That they think of something beyond that. That they are as good human beings as anyone. Every tear I have caused her has left a streak on my heart. I thank the guy whom she is with now. He did not give her much time to feel hurt and alone.
Thinking more calmly and having more girls as friends have helped realize some of you are mature. Some of you think deeply, think good thoughts and are really sensitive and introspective. Some girls are really good human beings. All in all, you people are not so stupid as I thought. You dont have the IQ of a cheese burger. You people are as mature as any human being and probably a lot more sensitive than guys.
And know what the best part about being a girl is? You will be a mother some day. However stupid and stubborn and irritating you may be right now, being a mother is being capable of some kind of divine love, of being closer to god. One day you are going to create life and nurture it with such unconditional care which makes you all the more respectable.
But some things about you people still beat me. Firstly, why do you people give so much importance to the way you look? If you think every guy looks at you when you go down a street, catch the next lift down and come down to earth. Tom Cruise doesnt care about how you look. Hrithik Roshan doesn’t care about how you look. Your dad doesnt care about how you look. And any sensible guy won’t care about how you look. And if someone is attracted by your looks, he can only desire you, not love you.
Another thing. If I end up talking to you for anything over eight minutes, don’t assume I am flirting with you. Being a girl or a guy is not so important. Please behave like a normal homo sapien. I hate being branded a girl chaser. Because I hate to be one.
I have always been an outsider in your world. The brat never too close. And after causing hurt to 'her', I intend to stay away from your world for a long long time to come. After all, I was hurt too. I am plain scared to meddle in your world now. I am plain scared of again causing a lot of tears and hence have resolved to stay at a safe yet friendly distance from your domain. If earlier it was snobbish indifference, now it is a peaceful and quiet lack of interest.
Anyways, it was good talking to you. I will take your leave and sleep. And one last thing. If you drive anything more than a bicycle, please do not. Its sin to kill innocent walking on the street, people not belonging to the Al-Qaeda. But if you have to drive, atleast keep a First Aid box handy. That was it.
Note: The girls whose name I have included are few of my good friends contrary one might think from my blog!
This is a tribute to all my female friends on occasion of the Woman’s day!!!!
Monday, March 3, 2008
Matrimonial Tamasha
These days I am pissed off by the matrimonial sites. Every time I am surfing news or entertainment website a pretty lady will appear. In the initial days when I was quite new to internet my testosterone will increase thinking that these pretty girls have some offers for me to decrease my testosterone levels. But rather she will ask stupid question: “Quick Search your soul mates”.
My Response: “Quick Close” you ass hole!! But when you want to kill office time you look for some opportunities like this. So finally I decided to have a look at these websites. Going through these websites forced me to think on quickly changing scenario in Indian society.
Blame it on government or society or history or geography; even biology if you feel so, I call it economics - simple equation of demand and supply. But the matter of fact is that marriageable gals are becoming precious and precious gals are becoming more precious. The matrimonial columns looking for suitable grooms are becoming more and more demanding. All the difficult words from dictionary are finding place in the matrimonial columns.
so there was a column inviting grooms (or superman) with following specifications:-
" should be tall, handsome, charming, quick witted, intelligent, caring, well settled, modest, humorous". Did I call him superman ...well, inject a few more adjectives that I might have missed.
The gal was precious, so the column was well received and even better reciprocated. But you know ' har kisi ko mukammal jahan nahin milta , kisi ko jamin to kahin aasmaan nahin milta' . Somebody was not tall enough, the other was not charming enough, and somebody talked too much, the other listened too much.
It was not difficult for the gal to reject all of them out rightly. The difficult one came when someone came with a proposal “hey, I am none that you are looking for, save one. I am not so tall, not so handsome. Charm keeps at arms length from me, humor escapes me except when I am the one being laughed at. I am often at my wits end when looking for a witty reply, intelligence can be graded average at best. All I can say about me is that I am quite MODEST
hellllllllllooooo .... what do you say m'am"....
So boys ...find your souls mates as qucikly as possible otherwise the girls are soon going to become a "real state"..only a rich can buy :))
If you look on other side of coin there is no better chance than this to decrease our billion plus population..
My Response: “Quick Close” you ass hole!! But when you want to kill office time you look for some opportunities like this. So finally I decided to have a look at these websites. Going through these websites forced me to think on quickly changing scenario in Indian society.
Blame it on government or society or history or geography; even biology if you feel so, I call it economics - simple equation of demand and supply. But the matter of fact is that marriageable gals are becoming precious and precious gals are becoming more precious. The matrimonial columns looking for suitable grooms are becoming more and more demanding. All the difficult words from dictionary are finding place in the matrimonial columns.
so there was a column inviting grooms (or superman) with following specifications:-
" should be tall, handsome, charming, quick witted, intelligent, caring, well settled, modest, humorous". Did I call him superman ...well, inject a few more adjectives that I might have missed.
The gal was precious, so the column was well received and even better reciprocated. But you know ' har kisi ko mukammal jahan nahin milta , kisi ko jamin to kahin aasmaan nahin milta' . Somebody was not tall enough, the other was not charming enough, and somebody talked too much, the other listened too much.
It was not difficult for the gal to reject all of them out rightly. The difficult one came when someone came with a proposal “hey, I am none that you are looking for, save one. I am not so tall, not so handsome. Charm keeps at arms length from me, humor escapes me except when I am the one being laughed at. I am often at my wits end when looking for a witty reply, intelligence can be graded average at best. All I can say about me is that I am quite MODEST
hellllllllllooooo .... what do you say m'am"....
So boys ...find your souls mates as qucikly as possible otherwise the girls are soon going to become a "real state"..only a rich can buy :))
If you look on other side of coin there is no better chance than this to decrease our billion plus population..
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Expectations v/s Hopes
When I was very young I heard and since then remembered two sayings from two of my different teachers. The sayings go as..."Expectations are the root cause of misery" and "Never loose hopes, coz hopes are the only ropes that'll support you". I thought a lot over these two and weighed them considering numerous instances from my own life as well as others life in general.
What I noticed was that sometimes I was hurt because I expected too much from others, that indirectly means there is a limit in every friendship that I should not cross. If it were in my hands, I would brush aside this limit...but unfortunately it needs two to tango!
Moreover, friendship needs time to grow...even I can't be a best of a friend to everyone who comes my way, although it varies that some people may turn out to be very good friends in a very short span of time while others just remain strangers even in years' relationship!! My initial friendship with anyone always turned out to be good... but then over time when I knew the person truly and better, I found most of them to be mere role players. In between these two phases I remained the same self... and that didn't prevent me from being demanding. The cases where friendship is true are very pleasing and euphoric, I mean nothing can make atleast me feel better than possessing a true friend. On the other hand, cases where friendship turns out to be something different, are very hard and uneasy to handle...they just break me.
I once had a dream to perfect (and include in a stereotype) the search and selection techniques into a science so that one can predict almost infallibly on the very first meeting with any person, whether or not the person is worth making a friend. The stereotype was a joke but the search and selection thingie is something everyone should be aware of. I try to strain my brains as much as I can... but still sometimes I make wrong decisions...after all I am a human being ( I hope u agree with this).
I dunno what I have written and how you would interpret it, but to recapitulate, I would say that I still live with hopes in my heart rather than living with the fear of getting hurt on expecting and not getting the expected.
Be generous and positive, its in my blood (O +ve)
What I noticed was that sometimes I was hurt because I expected too much from others, that indirectly means there is a limit in every friendship that I should not cross. If it were in my hands, I would brush aside this limit...but unfortunately it needs two to tango!
Moreover, friendship needs time to grow...even I can't be a best of a friend to everyone who comes my way, although it varies that some people may turn out to be very good friends in a very short span of time while others just remain strangers even in years' relationship!! My initial friendship with anyone always turned out to be good... but then over time when I knew the person truly and better, I found most of them to be mere role players. In between these two phases I remained the same self... and that didn't prevent me from being demanding. The cases where friendship is true are very pleasing and euphoric, I mean nothing can make atleast me feel better than possessing a true friend. On the other hand, cases where friendship turns out to be something different, are very hard and uneasy to handle...they just break me.
I once had a dream to perfect (and include in a stereotype) the search and selection techniques into a science so that one can predict almost infallibly on the very first meeting with any person, whether or not the person is worth making a friend. The stereotype was a joke but the search and selection thingie is something everyone should be aware of. I try to strain my brains as much as I can... but still sometimes I make wrong decisions...after all I am a human being ( I hope u agree with this).
I dunno what I have written and how you would interpret it, but to recapitulate, I would say that I still live with hopes in my heart rather than living with the fear of getting hurt on expecting and not getting the expected.
Be generous and positive, its in my blood (O +ve)
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Profiles
Now this is not meant in general to any specific person..But it should be read by all those who practice this or hate this.
I think that ppl shud actually put atleast their real names on orkut profiles and not some thing like what is really going on in your real lives..or even those stupid ones like "album updated ___name"(this 1 I really hate).It really gets bogging when one has to look at every profile in ones friends' list to see the person since the change of name has taken place.
a) I want that atleast the full name or even the first name should be minimum there in one's profile name.
b) Stop telling about the profile/album updates to every1 in the world..go get a life loser..no one wants to check ur profile..
c) Waise to I really am a fan of PDA's(public display of affections)..But I really mean it on the streets and in the subway and in the theatres..and not really on orkut..Specially when ppl put up their names as "I miss ya /I luv ya..blah blah blah.."
Now one thing which has really caught up between me and sm like minded friends (Actually I acquired this frm others and now sm others have taken a cue frm me)..is to keep your scrap book clean(reduce them in number drastically) or infact clear of all the scraps. It just puts ur private life into public display..Waise it doesnt really matter to me if it gets public and there is nothing which isnt public abt me..bt I still wud like to say that I want my privacy at some places.
I think that ppl shud actually put atleast their real names on orkut profiles and not some thing like what is really going on in your real lives..or even those stupid ones like "album updated ___name"(this 1 I really hate).It really gets bogging when one has to look at every profile in ones friends' list to see the person since the change of name has taken place.
a) I want that atleast the full name or even the first name should be minimum there in one's profile name.
b) Stop telling about the profile/album updates to every1 in the world..go get a life loser..no one wants to check ur profile..
c) Waise to I really am a fan of PDA's(public display of affections)..But I really mean it on the streets and in the subway and in the theatres..and not really on orkut..Specially when ppl put up their names as "I miss ya /I luv ya..blah blah blah.."
Now one thing which has really caught up between me and sm like minded friends (Actually I acquired this frm others and now sm others have taken a cue frm me)..is to keep your scrap book clean(reduce them in number drastically) or infact clear of all the scraps. It just puts ur private life into public display..Waise it doesnt really matter to me if it gets public and there is nothing which isnt public abt me..bt I still wud like to say that I want my privacy at some places.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Hanuman Prasad..
Ah..What a Sunday….woke up at 2pm.!! I think it’s my first blog which I am writing so early after waking up barely hours ago…never mind sometimes its nice to break your own records. Motivation to write..Wonderful sunny day backed by wonderful last evening.
Usually I like to spend weekend at home and that too when you work 5 days a week you look forward to have some rest. But umesh and nirav were back from India with bagful of Indian mithai and numerous humorous stories in there bellies. Neel presence always add more fuel to fire and there presence always attract me to travel to there city. But it’s a one hour bus ride from my town and as its weekend you dont find anyone to give you the ride in car. So was bit hesitant to travel by bus. So initial plan was to call them to my place and enjoy. But destiny had some other calculations. Luckily they came to my city but due to communal puja back in boras they decided to go back immediately. So I was accommodated in car by breaking traffic rules…but as Indian, laws was always meant to be broken …but once in the car the atmosphere was filled with jokes, leg pulling and laughter. Hardly anyone ever realized about an hour journey nor of possible police fines in overloaded car.
Once in temple it was nice to have some communal prayers in temple after long time. Really enjoyed Hanuman challisa !!!
So after all sort of prayers it was time for real business..and I can bet all four had nothing in mind other than delicious idly waiting to be served. Once the green signal was given we just went on it like the crowd went in Mumbai on New Year awe on those two helpless NRI girls. Ofcouse our motive was quite different than those!! Enjoying delicious idly and sambhar, I turned up my eye on my friends and it seemed that they were having there last meal of life. When you come to that kind of communal get togethers you can always expect that from youngesters but the guys like us not only fill our stomach to neck but also make sure that extra food is packed nicely to take away home..lol…
After dinner it was time to participate in some funny games and was lucky to won 200 krones in game. Thanks hanuman ji…for extra Prasad!!
Then we went to my friends place and have loads fun till late night. Surely missed Ninand and Ruchir presence on these occasions. I was not in mood to come back. But the show must come to end. Really have loads of fun after long tiring week.
As I write this blog my mind smells the Kaju barfi which I got from umesh. You enjoy this one while I enjoy my part.
Usually I like to spend weekend at home and that too when you work 5 days a week you look forward to have some rest. But umesh and nirav were back from India with bagful of Indian mithai and numerous humorous stories in there bellies. Neel presence always add more fuel to fire and there presence always attract me to travel to there city. But it’s a one hour bus ride from my town and as its weekend you dont find anyone to give you the ride in car. So was bit hesitant to travel by bus. So initial plan was to call them to my place and enjoy. But destiny had some other calculations. Luckily they came to my city but due to communal puja back in boras they decided to go back immediately. So I was accommodated in car by breaking traffic rules…but as Indian, laws was always meant to be broken …but once in the car the atmosphere was filled with jokes, leg pulling and laughter. Hardly anyone ever realized about an hour journey nor of possible police fines in overloaded car.
Once in temple it was nice to have some communal prayers in temple after long time. Really enjoyed Hanuman challisa !!!
So after all sort of prayers it was time for real business..and I can bet all four had nothing in mind other than delicious idly waiting to be served. Once the green signal was given we just went on it like the crowd went in Mumbai on New Year awe on those two helpless NRI girls. Ofcouse our motive was quite different than those!! Enjoying delicious idly and sambhar, I turned up my eye on my friends and it seemed that they were having there last meal of life. When you come to that kind of communal get togethers you can always expect that from youngesters but the guys like us not only fill our stomach to neck but also make sure that extra food is packed nicely to take away home..lol…
After dinner it was time to participate in some funny games and was lucky to won 200 krones in game. Thanks hanuman ji…for extra Prasad!!
Then we went to my friends place and have loads fun till late night. Surely missed Ninand and Ruchir presence on these occasions. I was not in mood to come back. But the show must come to end. Really have loads of fun after long tiring week.
As I write this blog my mind smells the Kaju barfi which I got from umesh. You enjoy this one while I enjoy my part.
Friday, January 25, 2008
While I await New Year.....
Lots of New Year love to whomsoever is reading this! All the nice wishes and all sorts of wonderful things to you!!
And now that all the love is done with, here is contempt.
I had been hibernating for a while, did not feel like writing any since long. Had lots of random thoughts, vague feelings, strong emotions, futile tensions, unconnected chain of thoughts in short. This mood swing began with call from my younger sister on 31st January informing me about the detoriating health of my father. Since then all negative thoughts engraved me and I started feeling restless.
And then it becomes a vicious circle, one thought leads to another and I end up exhausted and it kills the fun. Then I start thinking, why am I thinking so negative all about this when dad is yet to have undergone through check up? These thoughts forced me to have best possible permutations and combinations to bring result. After numerous ISD calls, finally me and sister, reached to the conclusion that she will rush home as soon as possible and take dad to CMC Vellore for best possible treatment.
It’s the only time I ever wish to have the power of Krishna to have multiple existence!!
So once dad was in CMC, now the turn was to wait eagerly for numerous reports and at the same time praying to get it all negative. I bet never in life time people pray and pay so much to get all negative results.
Screw that!!
While during those low days, all I need is to go read some Dilbert strips and try to back on being myself. While the doctors reported negative medical test one after another, my focus was back on reading some Dilbert and I think it is a very difficult job to deliver something so consistently insane all the times. Hats off to Scott adams for pulling it off for so long!!
Finally, the final medical report came yesterday and I am pretty relieved.
Phew!!
Nothing serious and it was just minor anemia and lung infection which can be treated without applying any rocket science. I think my dad has just got burnt off with work and all kind of mental tensions which he has to bear alone for past few months which began with untimely death of my grandfather and then my sister weeding. I hope that with change in environment and long vacation he will be back to business.
So, the Dilbert effects have also started showing result on me. I Know! I know! I am in an exuberant mood today and today is the rare day in this month when I am quite relaxed. Secondly the motivation to come back to my little space on web came from my well wisher on blog, Ruchir, Shilpi, Christel and many other friends. Sorry guys for keeping you wait for so long : .
Today its weekend and I am just in my mood and be myself and few Carlsberg. The beautiful songs of Enrique, Insommniac is making my eyes wet. Wonderful songs ..particularly “Miss you” and many other...As I write, effects of Carlsberg is gripping me and I think its enough with a promise to keep posting regularly from now on.
Last but not the least thanks to Keshavi di and Ravi for all timely help !!.
Have a nice weekend!!
And now that all the love is done with, here is contempt.
I had been hibernating for a while, did not feel like writing any since long. Had lots of random thoughts, vague feelings, strong emotions, futile tensions, unconnected chain of thoughts in short. This mood swing began with call from my younger sister on 31st January informing me about the detoriating health of my father. Since then all negative thoughts engraved me and I started feeling restless.
And then it becomes a vicious circle, one thought leads to another and I end up exhausted and it kills the fun. Then I start thinking, why am I thinking so negative all about this when dad is yet to have undergone through check up? These thoughts forced me to have best possible permutations and combinations to bring result. After numerous ISD calls, finally me and sister, reached to the conclusion that she will rush home as soon as possible and take dad to CMC Vellore for best possible treatment.
It’s the only time I ever wish to have the power of Krishna to have multiple existence!!
So once dad was in CMC, now the turn was to wait eagerly for numerous reports and at the same time praying to get it all negative. I bet never in life time people pray and pay so much to get all negative results.
Screw that!!
While during those low days, all I need is to go read some Dilbert strips and try to back on being myself. While the doctors reported negative medical test one after another, my focus was back on reading some Dilbert and I think it is a very difficult job to deliver something so consistently insane all the times. Hats off to Scott adams for pulling it off for so long!!
Finally, the final medical report came yesterday and I am pretty relieved.
Phew!!
Nothing serious and it was just minor anemia and lung infection which can be treated without applying any rocket science. I think my dad has just got burnt off with work and all kind of mental tensions which he has to bear alone for past few months which began with untimely death of my grandfather and then my sister weeding. I hope that with change in environment and long vacation he will be back to business.
So, the Dilbert effects have also started showing result on me. I Know! I know! I am in an exuberant mood today and today is the rare day in this month when I am quite relaxed. Secondly the motivation to come back to my little space on web came from my well wisher on blog, Ruchir, Shilpi, Christel and many other friends. Sorry guys for keeping you wait for so long : .
Today its weekend and I am just in my mood and be myself and few Carlsberg. The beautiful songs of Enrique, Insommniac is making my eyes wet. Wonderful songs ..particularly “Miss you” and many other...As I write, effects of Carlsberg is gripping me and I think its enough with a promise to keep posting regularly from now on.
Last but not the least thanks to Keshavi di and Ravi for all timely help !!.
Have a nice weekend!!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Bhool Bhulaiya
Ah ….so its Thrusday..13th December??? Ya that’s what my computer shows!! But seems to me a quite different than usual day. My supervisor is on leave so no more running from clinical laboratories to botanical laboratory. Past few weeks have been really hectic and I am really looking forward for this weekend break!! So just relaxing at work place and thinking something about me!! So thought to write something which has been happening in my life for last few years.
Though these days I watched a lot of movies, a trend started by my friend Ruchir, and I am proud that I am continuing the same trend after his departure to Harward. But everytime I watched the movies and next day I forgot the movie name. It really embarrassing if someone ask the name of the movie which I watched and I had to explain the story rather than simply movie name!! Not only that I often forget the names of people I interact, very seldom even though I might have shared some good moments with them in the past. And the embarrassment befalls when the guy happens to meet me greeting " Hello Kuntal!!" with a smile on his face and I, thanks to my gr8 memory, am able to say just "Hi" though I would have loved to say "Hi Y" where Y is the first name of the person.
I feel I am suffering from this psychological disorder and that worries me or is that now-a-days I have started taking my life extraordinarily serious and in the process have damaged my brain cells leading to frequent embarrassing forgetfulness?????
Sounds so serious and pitiable!!!
I know u must be praying for the "untruthfulness" of this fact because I not only one who prays for the same when I am wide awake but also in my dreams.....
So I learnt more about this disorder on Wikipedia and was shocked at its widespread infliction to the Westerners. It's considered a 'lifestyle disease' and is primarily caused by strenuous mental exercise leading to an onset of memory loss. The other factors which contribute to the disorder are physical fitness, social interaction and base memory capacity. While the WordWeb dictionary defines this word, Noun: lethologica ; the inability to remember a word or name. I feel I am still in the infancy of this disease and am struggling hard to nip it in the bud but also I fail to understand how I qualify to be one of the victims of this disease? Stress?? Physical Fitness ?? Social Interaction ?? dunno!! Base memory capacity?? May be!! Hope not!
The only time I feel like I am not suffering from this disease is during accounting of my expenditure. You ask me for past 15 days expenses and I can give you all penny details of even a 50 ore (its Swedish currency)!! But that’s sound like more of a Gujju gene rather than my mental capability!!!
So I assume myself as a diseased person than a healthy one with such a grave defect.
So again I ask myself - Am I suffering from Acute Amnesia? The answer is a BIG YES if I am an escapist and a BIG NO if I recognize the fact that it's just one's mental framework that leads one to feel so.
Sounds worrisome but thankfully it's just a "lifestyle disease" and is reversible.
Only time will tell.
Though these days I watched a lot of movies, a trend started by my friend Ruchir, and I am proud that I am continuing the same trend after his departure to Harward. But everytime I watched the movies and next day I forgot the movie name. It really embarrassing if someone ask the name of the movie which I watched and I had to explain the story rather than simply movie name!! Not only that I often forget the names of people I interact, very seldom even though I might have shared some good moments with them in the past. And the embarrassment befalls when the guy happens to meet me greeting " Hello Kuntal!!" with a smile on his face and I, thanks to my gr8 memory, am able to say just "Hi" though I would have loved to say "Hi Y" where Y is the first name of the person.
I feel I am suffering from this psychological disorder and that worries me or is that now-a-days I have started taking my life extraordinarily serious and in the process have damaged my brain cells leading to frequent embarrassing forgetfulness?????
Sounds so serious and pitiable!!!
I know u must be praying for the "untruthfulness" of this fact because I not only one who prays for the same when I am wide awake but also in my dreams.....
So I learnt more about this disorder on Wikipedia and was shocked at its widespread infliction to the Westerners. It's considered a 'lifestyle disease' and is primarily caused by strenuous mental exercise leading to an onset of memory loss. The other factors which contribute to the disorder are physical fitness, social interaction and base memory capacity. While the WordWeb dictionary defines this word, Noun: lethologica ; the inability to remember a word or name. I feel I am still in the infancy of this disease and am struggling hard to nip it in the bud but also I fail to understand how I qualify to be one of the victims of this disease? Stress?? Physical Fitness ?? Social Interaction ?? dunno!! Base memory capacity?? May be!! Hope not!
The only time I feel like I am not suffering from this disease is during accounting of my expenditure. You ask me for past 15 days expenses and I can give you all penny details of even a 50 ore (its Swedish currency)!! But that’s sound like more of a Gujju gene rather than my mental capability!!!
So I assume myself as a diseased person than a healthy one with such a grave defect.
So again I ask myself - Am I suffering from Acute Amnesia? The answer is a BIG YES if I am an escapist and a BIG NO if I recognize the fact that it's just one's mental framework that leads one to feel so.
Sounds worrisome but thankfully it's just a "lifestyle disease" and is reversible.
Only time will tell.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Sister Wedding
I remember it in mental snapshots. Brief glimpses of this or that when I was ten or eleven. And I m sure there must have been much ado in our house back then, with some old friends playing wedding games and all. Finally, its time for those weddings games to turn in to real story. But try as I might I don’t recall all that much.
Today is the big day and I am thinking about you. But thoughts are really confusing. One side I wonder how you look? I don’t see you in your wedding dress, but I m sure you looked beautiful. I don’t see you to take “Saat pheras” during the marriage rituals nor running through rice or tossing your bouquet. Try as I might, those snapshots are blank for me. On other side, thinking about the crazy omelette and some fish which I had to eat in breakfast on such a auspicious day rather than delecious food I would have been in your wedding.
Well, the destiny had its own desires!!!
Your Wedding might not be as dramatic and unexpected as Aishwarya Rai and Abhishek Bachchan Wedding. But I am sure it would have been Great Wedding!!
Your wedding knocks my memory and pushes me back in history to remember all the nice sweet things we had done together. As I look back with pride and deep sense of nostalgia I recall the phase that we togehter passed through. I remember how you used to protect me from father everytime I had complains from school. I remember how you used your girl power to get all information about cute girls of our school. You also drew all the biology diagrams for me (yeah I know I still owe you the chocolates I promised then for each picture).
As we grew the role changed (though more of a body guard…) but then we love each other bits and advised. As I rubbed my memories more, I can clearly see the old days when we both travelled 12 hour bumpy ride from Jabalpur to Nagpur in bus for your admissions. Remember the arguments we had in Indore before your Interviews in Glaxo??? I can’t stop myself from laughing when I think of those times.
Sis, all the best to you in your marriage life. I will stick to you strong and thick in all circumstances as you are always worthy for me to hold on to.
So Mr.R. As you hold my sister's hand and walk down that aisle.. I want you to know my sister means the world to me. I may not send her any cards on her birthday. I may argue with her about everything under the sky. We may have our differences...But at the end of the day, I love her to bits. She will always be my sister and I expect you to take care of her!
Please don’t make her cry.
Here is wishing for both of you and very happy life together.
I love you both.
And Ravinder, welcome to the Worah family!!! :-)
Today is the big day and I am thinking about you. But thoughts are really confusing. One side I wonder how you look? I don’t see you in your wedding dress, but I m sure you looked beautiful. I don’t see you to take “Saat pheras” during the marriage rituals nor running through rice or tossing your bouquet. Try as I might, those snapshots are blank for me. On other side, thinking about the crazy omelette and some fish which I had to eat in breakfast on such a auspicious day rather than delecious food I would have been in your wedding.
Well, the destiny had its own desires!!!
Your Wedding might not be as dramatic and unexpected as Aishwarya Rai and Abhishek Bachchan Wedding. But I am sure it would have been Great Wedding!!
Your wedding knocks my memory and pushes me back in history to remember all the nice sweet things we had done together. As I look back with pride and deep sense of nostalgia I recall the phase that we togehter passed through. I remember how you used to protect me from father everytime I had complains from school. I remember how you used your girl power to get all information about cute girls of our school. You also drew all the biology diagrams for me (yeah I know I still owe you the chocolates I promised then for each picture).
As we grew the role changed (though more of a body guard…) but then we love each other bits and advised. As I rubbed my memories more, I can clearly see the old days when we both travelled 12 hour bumpy ride from Jabalpur to Nagpur in bus for your admissions. Remember the arguments we had in Indore before your Interviews in Glaxo??? I can’t stop myself from laughing when I think of those times.
Sis, all the best to you in your marriage life. I will stick to you strong and thick in all circumstances as you are always worthy for me to hold on to.
So Mr.R. As you hold my sister's hand and walk down that aisle.. I want you to know my sister means the world to me. I may not send her any cards on her birthday. I may argue with her about everything under the sky. We may have our differences...But at the end of the day, I love her to bits. She will always be my sister and I expect you to take care of her!
Please don’t make her cry.
Here is wishing for both of you and very happy life together.
I love you both.
And Ravinder, welcome to the Worah family!!! :-)
Monday, November 19, 2007
Myth----O---logic!!
Came across this piece here.
Reflects today's situation in the country very aptly.
--------------------------------------------------
The Lord surveyed the Ram Setu and said "Hanuman, you and your vanara sena had built this bridge several centuries back with great diligence and devotion. It is remarkable that it has withstood the ravages of the climatic and geographical changes over centuries. It is indeed an amazing feat especially considering the fact that a bridge at Hyderabad built by Gammon using latest technology collapsed the other day even before they could stick the posters on its pillars."
Hanuman with all humility spoke "Jai Sri Ram, it is all because of your grace. We just scribbled your name on the bricks and threw them in the sea and they held. No steel from TISCO or cement from Ambuja or ACC was ever used. But Lord, why rake up the old issue now?"
Ram spoke "Well, Hanuman some people down there want to demolish the bridge and construct a canal. The contract involves lot of money and lot of money will be made. They will make money on demolition and make more money on construction."
Hanuman bowed down and said "Why don't we go down and present our case?"
Ram said "Times have changed since we were down there. They will ask us to submit age proof and we don't have either a birth certificate or school leaving certificate. We traveled mainly on foot and some times on horseback and so we don't have a driving license either. As far as the address proof is concerned, the fact that I was born at Ayodhya is in itself under litigation for over half a century...If I go in a traditional attire with bow and arrow, the ordinary folks may recognize me but Arjun Singh may take me to be some tribal and, at the most, offer a seat at IIT under the reserved category. Also, a God cannot walk in dressed in a three-piece suit and announce his arrival. It would make even the devotees suspicious. So it is a dilemma to say the least."
"I can vouch for you by saying that I personally built the bridge."
"My dear, Anjani putra, it will not work. They will ask you to produce the lay-out plan, the project details, including financial outlay and how the project cost was met and the completion certificate. Nothing is accepted without documentary evidence in India. You may cough but unless a doctor certifies it, you have no cough. A pensioner may present himself personally but the authorities do not take it as proof. He has to produce a life-certificate to prove that he is alive. It is that complicated."
"Lord, I can't understand these historians. Over the years you have given darshan once every hundred years to saints like Surdas, Tulsidas, Saint Thyagaraja, Jayadeva, Bhadrachala Ramdas and even Sant Tukaram and still they disbelieve your existence and say Ramayana is a myth. The only option, I see, is to re-enact Ramayana on earth and set the government records straight once for all."
Lord smiled "It isn't that easy today. Ravan is apprehensive that he may look like a saint in front of Karunanidhi. I also spoke to his mama Mareecha, who appeared as a golden deer to tempt Sita maiyya when I was in the forest and he said that he won't take a chance of stepping on earth as long as Salman Khan is around!!!"
Reflects today's situation in the country very aptly.
--------------------------------------------------
The Lord surveyed the Ram Setu and said "Hanuman, you and your vanara sena had built this bridge several centuries back with great diligence and devotion. It is remarkable that it has withstood the ravages of the climatic and geographical changes over centuries. It is indeed an amazing feat especially considering the fact that a bridge at Hyderabad built by Gammon using latest technology collapsed the other day even before they could stick the posters on its pillars."
Hanuman with all humility spoke "Jai Sri Ram, it is all because of your grace. We just scribbled your name on the bricks and threw them in the sea and they held. No steel from TISCO or cement from Ambuja or ACC was ever used. But Lord, why rake up the old issue now?"
Ram spoke "Well, Hanuman some people down there want to demolish the bridge and construct a canal. The contract involves lot of money and lot of money will be made. They will make money on demolition and make more money on construction."
Hanuman bowed down and said "Why don't we go down and present our case?"
Ram said "Times have changed since we were down there. They will ask us to submit age proof and we don't have either a birth certificate or school leaving certificate. We traveled mainly on foot and some times on horseback and so we don't have a driving license either. As far as the address proof is concerned, the fact that I was born at Ayodhya is in itself under litigation for over half a century...If I go in a traditional attire with bow and arrow, the ordinary folks may recognize me but Arjun Singh may take me to be some tribal and, at the most, offer a seat at IIT under the reserved category. Also, a God cannot walk in dressed in a three-piece suit and announce his arrival. It would make even the devotees suspicious. So it is a dilemma to say the least."
"I can vouch for you by saying that I personally built the bridge."
"My dear, Anjani putra, it will not work. They will ask you to produce the lay-out plan, the project details, including financial outlay and how the project cost was met and the completion certificate. Nothing is accepted without documentary evidence in India. You may cough but unless a doctor certifies it, you have no cough. A pensioner may present himself personally but the authorities do not take it as proof. He has to produce a life-certificate to prove that he is alive. It is that complicated."
"Lord, I can't understand these historians. Over the years you have given darshan once every hundred years to saints like Surdas, Tulsidas, Saint Thyagaraja, Jayadeva, Bhadrachala Ramdas and even Sant Tukaram and still they disbelieve your existence and say Ramayana is a myth. The only option, I see, is to re-enact Ramayana on earth and set the government records straight once for all."
Lord smiled "It isn't that easy today. Ravan is apprehensive that he may look like a saint in front of Karunanidhi. I also spoke to his mama Mareecha, who appeared as a golden deer to tempt Sita maiyya when I was in the forest and he said that he won't take a chance of stepping on earth as long as Salman Khan is around!!!"
Friday, November 2, 2007
German Puzzle
It is amazing how the daily events of my life fuel the existence of my blog. Just when I think that there is nothing new to write for the next few days now, something unusual happens and here I sit at my desk and type furiously.
I had just came out after two hours long fight with Immunology questions and thoughts to relax on one of the rare Friday afternoon by watching some good movies in lab. Today Swedes are celebrating “Alla Helgons Day” and its holiday for most Swedes. I enquired about the significance of day but was not surprised to find Swedes in same positions as mine. As far as I am getting holiday I don't complain about it. Anyway I came to lab to just enjoy movie in my 19.4 inch Desktop rather than watching in 15.4 inch boring laptop screen. As I was about to enter in lab, one of new lab members was leaving the lab and greeted me with 'Ciao'. I smiled him back and thought as another chat acronym. Post venturing in lab, I thought of browsing only the meaning of chatting phrase 'Ciao'. I discovered that it's not like any other chat acronyms but is an Italian verbal salutation and greeting meaning 'goodbye' when used in English. Further, I thought to browse the list of chatting abbreviations we generally use. I googled the phrase "chatting abbreviations" and was thrown up with 3,310,000 search results. The third one led me to www.mistupid.com/internet/chattalk.htm.
I was particularly verifying the acronyms CYA, CU- the ones closer to ciao. And Oh God!! I found that 'CYA' means 'Cover your Ass'. Really?? I have been using this phrase throughout my chatting years to gracefully say 'goodbye' to my chatting partners on Y!, gtalk! I always meant it as 'C U After'. I was confused for a moment.
But I had seen many of my friends - a lot of female friends too- also using the same phrase and hopefully with the same intention as I. They did not mean “Cover You Ass”…….Scary Feelings!!!
To reconfirm, I googled “CYA” and followed the second search result. It took me to en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CYA and from there I moved on to
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Internet_slang_phrases.
And then I had a sigh of relief. The list confirmed that “CYA” also means 'CU After'. Phew!! A big realization indeed!! “CYA” means 'Cover Ur Ass' as well as 'C U After'. Usage Contextual.
Confusion!! ya loads of !! Anyway I have taken the print out of these meaning and going to show the German guy on Monday. Hopefully his intensions should be same as mine!!! Till Then “CYA”..
hahaha!!!!
I had just came out after two hours long fight with Immunology questions and thoughts to relax on one of the rare Friday afternoon by watching some good movies in lab. Today Swedes are celebrating “Alla Helgons Day” and its holiday for most Swedes. I enquired about the significance of day but was not surprised to find Swedes in same positions as mine. As far as I am getting holiday I don't complain about it. Anyway I came to lab to just enjoy movie in my 19.4 inch Desktop rather than watching in 15.4 inch boring laptop screen. As I was about to enter in lab, one of new lab members was leaving the lab and greeted me with 'Ciao'. I smiled him back and thought as another chat acronym. Post venturing in lab, I thought of browsing only the meaning of chatting phrase 'Ciao'. I discovered that it's not like any other chat acronyms but is an Italian verbal salutation and greeting meaning 'goodbye' when used in English. Further, I thought to browse the list of chatting abbreviations we generally use. I googled the phrase "chatting abbreviations" and was thrown up with 3,310,000 search results. The third one led me to www.mistupid.com/internet/chattalk.htm.
I was particularly verifying the acronyms CYA, CU- the ones closer to ciao. And Oh God!! I found that 'CYA' means 'Cover your Ass'. Really?? I have been using this phrase throughout my chatting years to gracefully say 'goodbye' to my chatting partners on Y!, gtalk! I always meant it as 'C U After'. I was confused for a moment.
But I had seen many of my friends - a lot of female friends too- also using the same phrase and hopefully with the same intention as I. They did not mean “Cover You Ass”…….Scary Feelings!!!
To reconfirm, I googled “CYA” and followed the second search result. It took me to en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CYA and from there I moved on to
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Internet_slang_phrases.
And then I had a sigh of relief. The list confirmed that “CYA” also means 'CU After'. Phew!! A big realization indeed!! “CYA” means 'Cover Ur Ass' as well as 'C U After'. Usage Contextual.
Confusion!! ya loads of !! Anyway I have taken the print out of these meaning and going to show the German guy on Monday. Hopefully his intensions should be same as mine!!! Till Then “CYA”..
hahaha!!!!
Friday, October 12, 2007
Why?????????
Does every action in this world falls in the premise of logic?
Or that’s what I believed till about yesterday. If not watch “Face the Nation” on CNN-IBN by “Sagarika Gosh” and you will surely ask this questions yourself!
Confronting yourself for something that happened and for which you don’t have a reason….probably was the most humbling experience. You just cannot address the simple "why"….you know the simple word "Why". There was this need this urgency to address it for, for ages it was done that way and I was taught to believe it that way!
So this "why" got me thinking for bizarre 40 sleepless hours with no food and no sensible thought? Just a simple "why"!! I tried the age old solace methods of keeping myself engrossed, reading books, lying on the bed with my eyes wide open, going for a walk (now that’s something that partially helped!)
Yeah so there was this me and this "why"!
But something somewhere maintained that buoyancy for me to stay afloat. Something that didn’t let me be lost somewhere in my shell rather it got me out.
It got me out to believing once again that life that existed around me. It was perfectly ok for me to be human and that I have every reason to move on in life. It helped me come out of my rigidity and the mould that I had set for myself for something which didn’t exist anymore.
But just be cautious......the catch 22 etchings!
The question that remains now is that, do I still need to address this "why"…..I choose not to and take no offense about that too.
Or that’s what I believed till about yesterday. If not watch “Face the Nation” on CNN-IBN by “Sagarika Gosh” and you will surely ask this questions yourself!
Confronting yourself for something that happened and for which you don’t have a reason….probably was the most humbling experience. You just cannot address the simple "why"….you know the simple word "Why". There was this need this urgency to address it for, for ages it was done that way and I was taught to believe it that way!
So this "why" got me thinking for bizarre 40 sleepless hours with no food and no sensible thought? Just a simple "why"!! I tried the age old solace methods of keeping myself engrossed, reading books, lying on the bed with my eyes wide open, going for a walk (now that’s something that partially helped!)
Yeah so there was this me and this "why"!
But something somewhere maintained that buoyancy for me to stay afloat. Something that didn’t let me be lost somewhere in my shell rather it got me out.
It got me out to believing once again that life that existed around me. It was perfectly ok for me to be human and that I have every reason to move on in life. It helped me come out of my rigidity and the mould that I had set for myself for something which didn’t exist anymore.
But just be cautious......the catch 22 etchings!
The question that remains now is that, do I still need to address this "why"…..I choose not to and take no offense about that too.
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